How to overcome codependency in relationships

Learn how to overcome codependency in relationships by shifting your spiritual basis of understanding. Rabbi Taub teaches us the basics of recovery from codependency in this short excerpt from his book, “God of Our Understanding”.

minute read

Recovery from codependence

Just as with the recovery from any addiction, recovery from codependence is based on forming a dynamic relationship with God.

The codependent and control

You see, in a very real way, the codependent is committing emotional idolatry — that is, feeling that someone or something has God – like control over reality. The codependent alternately attributes superhuman power to his or her own self and to the addict. The spiritual basis for recovery from codependency is thus to let go of the maddening pursuit of inhuman perfection and to embrace human imperfection. God is perfect. The rest of us—addicts, codependents, and everyone else—are all just doing the very best we can with what we have.

God-consciousness is the foundation of a new life and a new perspective of reality, for as long as one is devoted to an imaginary vision of perfection, it is impossible to live contentedly in the real world. One must instead learn to trust in the only true perfection—an all-powerful God who is always perfectly in control.

Overcoming codependency and acceptance

We may not like reality. That’s okay. We are entitled to our opinion. But the fact is that everything is always the way it needs to be, at least for right now.

We are not God. We cannot be. We don’t need to be.

We cannot control what other people do. And what other people do should not control us.

About the author
Rabbi Shais Taub is one of today's most respected young scholars of Jewish spirituality and practice. National Public Radio called him "an expert in Jewish mysticism and the Twelve Steps." He is the author of God of Our Understanding: Jewish Spirituality and Recovery from Addiction.
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