Get Help Today.
You are not alone. We can help you get better.

My daughter or son is an alcoholic: What can I do?

If you suspect your child is an alcoholic, you need to change your traditional parenting tactics. Step-by-step practical suggestions for how to address alcoholism in your family here.

4
minute read

Watching a child lose themselves in alcohol addiction can make parents feel helpless. If you suspect, “My child is an addict!”, there is no magic bullet or good advice that can stop an addiction and so when most people see their son or daughter slipping into alcoholism, they simply do not know how to stop it. Here, we review some practical suggestions in addressing a suspected alcohol problem within your family. We invite your questions about treatment or family therapies for addiction in the comments section at the end.

STEP 1: The Old Ways May Not Be The Best

Many parents, upon discovering their children have an alcohol problem, resort to traditional parenting reactions. They attempt to punish their child. This could be cutting them off from “bad friends”, Sending them to their room, Taking away privileges or even just getting angry and yelling. These methods may have worked in the past, but chances are, they will not work to treat an addiction. The two reasons for this are that, 1) if they are old enough to get alcohol, they are probably old enough to have some independence which means traditional punishments are harder to enforce. 2) Punishing an addict does nothing to fight the addiction. So, your first step is to recognize that what you used to do…is broken, and that you need to seek alternative ways of coping.

STEP 2: Talk To Them

People with an alcohol problem do not respond to anger, they respond to empathy. Someone who is drinking too much may already feel depressed or isolated, punishing them further really only serves to increase their urge to drink. The best way to approach an alcohol addiction is to talk to the person. Do not do this when they are drunk, wait until they are sober, and maybe even a bit hung over. Tell the person that you are worried about them, that you care for them and that you just want to help.

Also remember to go to them with evidence and ideas. What this means is, before you speak to anyone about an alcohol addiction, it is important to gather evidence to prove they have a problem. No evidence means they can just deny everything. Once you have the evidence, the ideas come into play. Find a list of treatment options so you can have them ready for the talk. Ideas of the treatments available will show the addict that there is a way out. It is like offering a ray of hope.

Ready for help?
Call us today. You don’t need to face addiction on your own.
1-888-882-1456

STEP 3: Take Action

Once you have spoken to your child about a possible addiction to alcohol, it is time to take action. If you can, go with them to speak to a doctor about the condition, Speak to a counsellor or look at a treatment centre. All of these options can be effective in getting treatment but it may be hard to get your son or daughter to embrace them.

If you are having trouble, speak to a doctor, counselor or treatment centre yourself. They can offer advice and some comfort. It is also a good idea to look into some family support groups. There are organisations out there that are designed to support the families of alcoholics. They are full of people just like you that have gone through it all before and may be able to help.

You Can Only Do So Much

Addiction is often called a family disease because it affects everyone around it, but when it comes to treating addiction, The Addict has to make the first move. If you have Offered help and provide your son or daughter with treatment options, there is not a lot more you can do. Most addicts that actually kick their habit do so because they decide to.

If someone does not want to quit, there is very little that can be done to treat them. A good example of this is people in prison treatment programs. These people do not have access to drugs or alcohol for years at a time but once they get out many go right back to using. This is because they were forced to stop rather than choosing to stop themselves. Until someone decides they want to get better, they will not respond well to treatment. If your son or daughter is refusing treatment, attend family support meetings and get yourself some help and support. The only other thing you can do is keep encouraging the addict to go to treatment.

Don’t let your loved one suffer.
Addiction responds to treatment. Call us to get started.
1-888-882-1456

The road is not easy

This may not seem like an easy road or the answer most people want to hear but it is the truth. Having a child with an alcohol addiction is never easy but with help love and support, most people can get better. We invite your questions or comments in the section below and will try to respond to you personally and promptly.

About the author
Brad Girtz is a blogger working at Life Works Community, a residential treatment centre. He writes content about mental health, addiction and many other conditions treated at Life Works. Brad enjoys sharing news and information about the latest innovations and ideas in the field of addiction and mental health.

130 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I have read and agree to the conditions outlined in the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

  1. My son is 35 years old and lives with us which he has for the last 7 years. He drinks beer every night sometimes can polish off a 30 pack of Coors lite. I used to have a problem with alchohol many years ago but have fixed myself from that. I do not know what to do for my son. He has lost a lot of his life long friends and chooses to stay in his room when he is not working and watch TV. It cause problems between his dad and myself because we argue about him! I’m just worn out!

    1. Hi Irena. Call the helpline you see on the website to get in touch with a trusted admission navigator who can help you find the best treatment for your daughter.

  2. Are you kidding me? If he’s drinking and in denial why would he agree to go to the dr or therapist? He makes all kinds of excuses about why he’s drinking so much. Everytime I talk to him, I piss him off. He is so hostile towards me. I talked to him today about the dangers of alcohol, adderall and his antidepressant and that it could lead to alcohol poisoning. He said he knows his limit. Then why did his girlfriend have to pick him up at the bar the other night. She said he was passed out. She barely got him to the car. He stays out until 3am then gets up and goes to college for an 8sm class. Probably with alcohol still in his system, hungover, and exhausted. And he wonders why he is under so much stress. He will be 28 next month and he has had to move back home while going back to college for engineering because he forgot to reapply for student housing. He says he is stressed living here. No rent, free unlimited food, 2 rooms, 1 for his study, a large private bath. I’m at the end of my rope. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and a few other disorders. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I don’t have the energy to fight. But I am scared to death I am going to lose him to something bad. If he hates me and never speaks to me again, but is living a healthy and happy life, then I’m ok with that. I watched my mom lose my brother at 25 and she never recovered. None of us have. I can’t go through that. I can’t sit by and watch him risk so much. He would NEVER agree to rehab or therapist, eventhough his dad and I are going to one. He’s alright and thinks there is nothing wrong with his actions. He won’t even think about the way he acts and the choices he makes when drinking. It is killing me not to be able to help him.

    I’m also afraid to go to Al-Anon because I don’t want to hear horror stories. It will just make things worse for me.

  3. My daughter is 38 and currently lives alone, does not have a job, and is an alcoholic drinking straight vodka. Approximately 2.5 years ago she had acute liver failure. I live in fear every day that she will have liver failure again and die. I have spoken to her openly and honestly about her problem and the fact that the deinking is killing her. Her best girlfriend has also gotten involved. My daughter has started counseling but it is too early to see if she will stay with it. I am at a point where I see no other choice but to pull her from her home and bring her to my house until all of us get things sorted out…..otherwise she will die. I know that forced sobriety is not positive but she is a danger to herself and I believe mentally unstable to make healthy choices. I am looking to get her stabilized so that she can be clear headed and able to make choices. I believe this intervention is necessary as the other options we have tried have failed. Until she is mentally stable, she cannot make healthy choices on her own. Any feedback is much appreciated. Thank you for listening. Gina

  4. My Aunt is an Alcoholic and lives w my 96 year old grandmother and has moved her 3 grown kids and grandson in. It was at first just supposed to be one of the kids, then the other 2 got put out and moved in, then my Aunt followed. Well now the children leave for days to get awly from the chaos, leaving my Aunt w Granny. My Aunt refuses to admit she has a SERIOUS problem, my granny is always on pins and needles and can never Express her feelings because my Aunt spys and is always listening, she blocks calls, gets rude and mean when drinking . My granny doesn’t want to put her out because she has no where else to go. We try to visit daily but can’t always be around. What should my next step be.

  5. I am a 46 year old single mother of five. I have a 27 year old son and 21 year old daughter who are alcoholics. So much has happened in there lives which is not an excuse. My side of the family are alcoholics as well as there father’s side. There father’s left when they were all very young and has never contacted them. I myself was not in there lives for about six years. My mother took my kids from me while I was incarcerated and put a restraining order to where I could not see them. Those were very difficult times as well to where I started drinking heavily. My mother finally after six years told me I could see my kids but I realized she only did that because my kids were uncontrollable and she wanted me to take over and no longer wanted to take care of them. Of course as a mother I took my kids in one by one and now two of my kids will not stop drinking. They are both diagnosed with fourth stage sorroccis. They both want to fight everyone and I am constantly verbally abused but knowing that my kids have no place to go. I keep giving them chances and keep letting back in. I have a girlfriend of 14 years who supports me but it is a strain on our relationship. I hate myself for saying this but there are times I want to end my life so I no longer have to deal with this or I will good would take them. Help!!!!!!!

  6. I have a daughter who has had a drinking problem for over two years (she lived out of state) and she is only 20 yrs old. She has a 3 yr old daughter and she (my daughter) has recently moved in with me and my new husband, leaving her child with her father. Like I said, she is 20 yrs old and has never gotten a drivers’ license. Well she got a DWI 2 weeks ago. I made the rule and stuck to it that there will be no more drinking (here or otherwise). I have also made arrangements to pick up my granddaughter for the holidays. I think that seeing her responsibility in this world (her daughter) will help. Thanks for sharing your helpful hints.

  7. My son is 39 and I believe he has a drinking problem which is now affecting his family and 3 children. I live in northern Adelaide and would like some advice on how to begin to help him. We have a good relationship & I’m quite comfortable talking about anything with him but this subject is a bit more sensitive.Please advise me.
    Regards, Judy

  8. My son and his gf have a 4 yr old child they live with me they both have an alcohol problem my son went to rehab and relapsed i don’t kick them out because i worry about my granddaughter what do i do they are making my life miserable i need answers i don’t know where to turn to

  9. My daughter, now 21, turned 21 in May and started drinking. I have tried to deal with it, and then she and her fiance (who had moved in with us) made ME the monster for calling out the problem. I was furious. As a single parent who struggled for decades raising her alone and did not re-marry to take the best care of her, I found her disrespect utterly disgusting. I did not want this going on under my roof and so they got an apartment. Well soon enough, the fiance got a taste of the same medicine when she threw him under the bus for some new guy who drinks. It is only lately that they both admitted to having a problem and he just left her last night and went back to his mother. But at this point, the whole matter makes me so angry, bitter and resentful, that I cannot have a conversation with her. She is selfish and impossible. I refuse to sugarcoat things and baby her or enable her. She was spoiled and treated with the best care by me, but not anymore. I want no part of her and did try to encourage her to seek out help but she takes after her father and I believe there’s nothing to be done. We, as a family, have ALL tried to convince her to go beyond therapy but she has not. I am sorry if it sounds uncaring, but I gave enough and don’t deserve this. It’s her life and if this is what she wants, I’m done. My love and prayers to all the parents here suffering this type of misery. But I’m not sad, I’m furious and don’t want no part of her anymore right now. If anything, I think it’s time for me to make a new family with people who can love me back and not just take.

  10. my daugher is an alcholic we have traveled across europe and back trying to help her..her husband of course is the enabler …she refuses help…and sad as i know her children suffer…now we do not have any correspondence..it is too hard on both my husband and myself…we have given her all our support and now it seems its in her court…i know she is a great loving person but achololit has destroyed her life and ours…i pray everyday just once she seeks help but she will not…it is a tremendous strain on us and our worry for our grandkids..

  11. My son in law is an alcoholic as his father is. He married my widowed daughter who has 2 children 4 years ago and fathered a child with her. He has hated our Grandaughter who is now 14 since he came into family. She just told me they fight every time he drinks because he says terrible things about the 14 year old and calls her horrific names. How do I talk to our daughter without my Grandaughter suffering consequences? I want her to feel she can call us anytime she’s scared. What I would really like besides my daughter divorcing him is to have the kids live with us.

    1. Hi Nancy. I suggest that you openly ask your daughter whether she has problems or not when you are alone with her. If she is ready to talk to you, she will.

  12. My 28 year old son is addicted to alcohol and also I think drugs. He was admitted to hospital the other day and intabated . He seems to me to be becoming increasingly unsafe. He engages a bit with me and then pulls away and tells me and his father that we’re the problem . I’m sure that’s true but Indont think it’s as simp,e as that. Is there anything I can do legally to persuade him to become an inpatient which is the advice of professionals and pretty obvious to me too. Any advice?

  13. My 20yr. daughter has a drinking problem, she also has husband and 3yr. old daughter. They moved in with my husband and I, and within 2 weeks I had to ask her to leave bc of her drinking and bad choices of friends. Please tell me how to handle this situation. I have cried, begged, yelled, suggested a treatment program, all to no avail.

    Sincerely,
    Desperate Mother

  14. My daughter is 34 I am 63 and my husband is 65
    We are in poor health
    My daughter lives like the people on hoarders she drinks vodka and beer and will not work
    She has a high Iq even though she was a special education kid due to language issues
    She acts like a borderline taking no responsibility and blames us for all of it
    She is due in court for assaulting me but I do not want her to go to prison she needs help d b t therapy please help, lost in braintree😢

    1. Hi Joni. Your daughter may have more problem than just drinking. I suggest that you consult with a therapist, and then stage n intervention for her.

  15. I found this site and tears fill my eyes as I see I’m not alone. My beautiful 19 year old daughter is an alcoholic. See was seeing a physiatrist and was on meds and all was fine. Somehow 6 months ago she started drinking. This is tearing me apart. I have two younger daughters 12 and 14 and a 3 year old granddaughter and they see her drunk. She’s gotten hurt multiple times and because she’s not on her meds has manic episodes. Last night she called the ambulance and they came and got her. When I got to the hospital they said her level was over 400! She’s 5’10 weighs 125. The Dr said this could kill her. They said they would get her a bed at a treatment center then I get a call that she is ready to be picked up. I finally had hope she would get help to have it all crumble! They said they can’t force her and since she was not suicidal they let her go. Once she got in my car the mental abuse began. She is so mean and says suck hurtful words. She doesn’t want help and I can’t force her! She was getting straight A’s in college but dropped out and does work but uses that money to sit in her room alone and get so drunk that’s she’s hurt herself bad multiple times. I can’t keep this up. It’s hurting me so bad. Please tell me wear I can get help. This has consumed my life and I’m messing up at my job since I’m so worried about her 🙁 🙁

  16. My daughter is 37 and been an alcoholic for sure the pasr 20 yrs. She has lost her job due to poor health, lost her drivers licence to a siezure condition and lost her son to his dads costody. If that isnt all enough she has also be diagnosed with late stage liver cirhosis. I am at my wits end with this

  17. My daughter is 18 we had to go pick her up again she was so drunk i have talked to her when she siber she promises not to drink what else can i do

  18. I’m the alcoholic drug addict son, I’m only 16 and I have no will to quit and I don’t know how to develop one, I’m already in counceling, I have a felony charge for dealing, I might possibly be getting expelled from school because of my alcohol and drug problems, but my reaction to anything negative is to use so it’s an endless cycle, how does one develop the internal motivation to quit alcohol and drug abuse?

  19. My son is 33 and still lives with us. Does not have a dime in the bank and all his money goes towards beer and cigarettes. He does give us money once in a while. He has had this problem for at least 10 years but it’s real bad and I do not know what to do. He will not go to AA. He wets his bed a lot. Besides all of that he is a wonderful human bean, sweet and kind and has never missed a day of work. He once was an incredible athlete. Please I hope for suggestions. Thank you.

  20. Please help my mother, I’m the drunk but she is the sufferer. I understand her pain, fear and worry but I can’t handle the frustration. I am really trying to help myself with aa and when I slip I am reminded that I did. Then the guilt and weakness kicks my ass

    1. Hi Silent. Call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your individual needs.

  21. I’m a 74 year old father trying to help and support a 36 year old son with mental health problems who is also an alcoholic. He was diagnosed with mental health issues when he was around 14 years of age. We spent years with various mental health teams during which time he ended up on four different types of medication none of which helped him. He began drinking in his twenties. He still takes his meds but of course they do nothing as he pours alcohol down on top of them. He is seriously overweight. I shop for him,clean his flat, monitor his money and in many other ways try to make his life more bearable. He has never had a job or a girlfriend. He is now very unwell finding it hard to walk due to shortness of breath. I fear he may pass away before me. I’m not asking for advice as after all these years I know there isn’t any I just felt like telling you about my situation. His mother is also an alcoholic and she is also very ill and so can be no help to me. Although we’re divorced I still try to keep an eye on her as she now finds it difficult to walk and like my son finds it difficult breathing. I try to get both of them to go to the hospital but they don’t want to go. It’s very hard seeing these two people slowly killing themselves. Thank you for your website and giving me the opportunity to tell my story.

    1. Hi Keith. Call the helpline you see on the website to get in touch with a trusted treatment consultant.

  22. My son is drinking himself to death. He was hospitalize in Oct. 2017 which he almost died. His father died earlier 2017 and that’s when he started drinking heavily. His wife has called me asking what to do, saying he has lost his job of 12 years or so and has told her he would be dead in 30 days. I just don’t know what to tell her.

  23. My son seems to be an alcoholic..he is 23,lives at home and doesnt go out..we just put up with it..but I find it VERY difficult..I lost my brother to alcoholism..I have been to counselling and alanon…

  24. Hi, my son is 28 years old suffers from anxiety disorder is a alcoholic and is abusing medication benzos since he has been 22. He has totaled 4 cars…DUI 2x, wreckless driving, refusal of breathalyzer….gets help dies not stick to it…I am in control of giving him his meds now…he gets jobs but due to falling off the wagon he gets fired. VERY sad situation….hates AA, counseling, will not go he will only play the game at his drs to get these pills…they do however ttest him for alcohol but he drinks at the biggining of the month so he is clean by the end. He Has Been In And Out Impatient Long Term 10x Times. I just do not know what to do.

  25. My son is a chronic alcoholic and recently have paid for detox and rehab for him.
    This has been going on for some 20 years and when he gets drunk he is nasty.
    Is there anybody out there to talk about this as it might help

    1. Hi Margaret. Call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your son’s individual needs.

  26. My 26 yo daughter has been struggling with alcoholism since she was around 18 yo. I had to tough love her out if the house at 18, and again at 21. I had no choice both times, because when she drinks, her whole persona changes and she turns into this person who hates me when she drinks. I should mention she has 2 younger sisters whose lives have also become severely disrupted due to this roller coaster ride she has put our whole family through. She has had several arrests for stealing, used to sneak her bf in at night, was and is still very manipulative and promiscuous is an understatement!
    I took her back in at 22 when she came to visit, pregnant, and living in sub par conditions. Through out her pregnancy, she seemed to remain substance free and even obtained her hs diploma on her own steam!
    The day my grandson was born, she tested + for marijuana, which prompted DCF involvement. The 4 months postpartum were horrendous. She continued to drink, smoke dust, do ecstasy, and even prostituted out of our driveway!!
    I was advised by the DCF worker to obtain custody of my then 4 month old grandson, because otherwise removal of my grandson from the home would be suggested. I did as suggested
    4 years later, I still have custody of him. My daughter is now on her 2nd live in bf, the first was EXTREMELY ABUSIVE, and there was no way I was going to give my grandson back to her living in that environment! The current one, well, it’s too soon to tell. Doesn’t seem abusive, but he is 29 and smokes a lot of marijuana, so my grandson has not even met him yet.
    About 4 months ago, my dtr moved out of town and went back to the abusive bf, at which point, we went no contact because it was too painful to watch. She contacted me a little over a month ago, told me she was back in town(still employed here and holds a part time, low paying job) She is living close by with this new bf. She was crying, missing her son, apologetic for her poor choices…. Stated her new bf did not put up with drinking, hmmm…
    I decided to reward her leaving the abusive relationship by letting her start with short, monitored visits with her son in my home. I am exhausted from having no help with my now behavioral 4 yo grandson, so she and I decided that she would keep him for one night a week at her grandmother’s house, since she cannot spend the night at my house, nor can she bring him to her home…tonight, I caught her lying and caught her cousin passing her a pint of liquor as I was about to leave grandma’s house….I am so hurt and disappointed! We seemed to be getting closer than ever and now this back slide. I have always been able to tell even if she just takes a sip of ETOH, her voice changes and her whole personality changes. She was SO mad when I let on that I knew, before I left! To THINK I was considering giving my grandson back when she uses her income tax return to obtain a 2 bedroom apartment in a month or so!! I’m further hurt by the onslaught of horribly verbal abusive text messages that followed this evening. The hurtful and untrue things she said to me in this messages. I pray I can have the strength to forgive her. Not sure how to go about handling this now

  27. Hello everyone..and Happy New Year to you all…
    I wrote back in July 2017 or thereabouts and wanted to share how things progressed with me and my daughter – Sadly she passed away at the end of September in terrible circumstances as a lot of people in the throes of this hideous addiction do. A one time F1 model and beautiful person inside too, ravaged and broken by emotional problems with the men she chose to be with and mired in her drug of choice, alcohol. No happy ending here, I have been to hell and back and am still to a large degree devastated by her loss – that will go on for the rest of my life. There are 2 positives however, SHE is free from the pain and chaos and shame she lived with – I am free of the pain of the next phone call, hospital admission and turmoil which was the norm for around 6yrs. The FEAR of her dying became a reality – I knew it would happen one day – there was no way she would survive her lifestyle – but the genuine belief she would REALLY die as a mother was something my psyche couldn’t handle at all – hanging onto a shred of hope that there was a miracle cure and a full turn around..somewhere. She was my only child. She was my world. She was my best friend, I miss her. I struggle most days and some days I am ok. I am trying to instil the great memories of her before she became this other person which has poisoned my mind..I guess time is my only hope in this aspect. Her loss is indescribable to every member of my family and we are all trying to piece ourselves together, minus her laughter, wit and beautiful huge blue eyes that we’ll never see again. To all the parents and people of an addict here I wish you strength in this unasked for journey foisted into your world that rattles a part of you in the dead of night like nothing else can or will. If you are living with the fear I did, know this, if the worst happens and your loved one passes on – you DO survive this – you CAN go on and you will – when you feel at your lowest, THAT passes too – You are not going to go insane – You will grieve the love, pain and loss as it should be and still breathe! That ‘fear’ becomes a memory, it’s gone from me now – I lived in shock for 2 months that there was no ‘fear’ anymore and I wondered where it had gone, for real. No more ‘maybe’ and a genuine relief that this left with her. I cannot argue with fate and the way this went for me so I’ve learned to accept the unacceptable as a mother with as much calm and dignity as I can muster. Stay well everyone and wishing you peace in whatever you are dealing with. XX

  28. It me again but now my husband and I are going to give him tough love but think it’s too late because he is grown please pray for us thank you

  29. My son has been drinking since he was 15 years now 31 and when he drinks he blacks out always gets in trouble with police and has been in program 4 times and graduated 2 times and still likes to drink and get in trouble with police and my husband and I are always there for him we are not perfect parents may be we did something wrong why my son is an alcoholic and I have told my son tell me what I did and I will tell you sorry but he does not tell me anything but I apologize anyway . This addiction has done a lot of bad things to our family and my son does not see that my husband and I don’t know what to do we are so unhappy in this world

  30. Our 26 year old son moved in 6 weeks ago to let him work on his sobriety at home. He is an accountant and like many addicts, has a lot of debt. We tried to give him a safe place to work on things. He went 51 days without drinking but now is spiraling. We had him sign a contract yesterday and now today broke it already and is drinking. We aren’t sure how to proceed. Do we give him time to get sober or throw him out immediately?

  31. I am on my own with my son who is only 22 and drinks everyday and won’t listen to my advice, I have taken him to numerous outreach places like counsilling doctors and aa, he has a disability and repeats himself over and over, and now is becoming violent towards me, i don’t usually argue back with him, however he’s behaviour is all.about him and projects it back to me, I think.I do way too much for him, I have to deal with this on a daily basis on my own everyday as he’s father brother refuse to help him or me, but I am a mother and I love my son, I know I have yelled back in past but that’s when I am at breaking point as I can’t take no more, I am a nervous wreck with no friends and often thought of doing myself in, l kicked him out and threatened to ring police, but now I feel.terrible, I have sent him back to fathers to b with father and brother, I believe there father is partly responsible and he’s fathers a nasty piece of work and doesn’t and won’t help me with he’s son, my head is a mess and I don’t look after myself as my head is consumed with he’s problems, he comes home and just puts me down and down and is so fucking negative about everything, its like it hurts just to b alive now, this has been going on for 6 years or more, I can’t have friends as soon as I bring a friend home he drinks more as he’s self esteem is so low, I am miserable crying everyday and my other children r sick of me wingeing to them, their father an alcoholic too, I have thoughts of suicide and killing he’s father as father is the root of the problem, my son has seen the way father ignores me like I am evil and my son has a disability and he doesn’t like he’s father as father has always just ignored me when all.I wanted was a bit if communication and help our son but he acts like I don’t exist and I feel like putting a gun to father’s head as he has caused this to happen. Please help me? I could honestly write a book, all.my good stuff and sentimental things have been taken and I can’t b a women and have nice things as he smashes house he’s room everything, yep.he threatens me he’s gonna kill himself and i am crying everyday on my own trying to help him on my own with no friends or family and its killing me see him.do this to himself, and when I do have 1 older friend over my son takes over and drinks goon and hassles my friend to hang out with him, its so fucking wrong what my sons doing and I am so over life and just trying to care for my self is so hard, and because I am on my own dealing with this i often think it would make everyone happy if I topped myself, but I jast want a lil.bit of happiness as I don’t know what its like to love feel happy as my brain is so consumed with my son and it actually hurts to b alive sometines,

  32. my son is 48 and alcohic about 4 years. he has lost everything; 6 figure income, his family and house. He stayed with us for the last 2 years and was finally kucked out. He now rents a room from someone but his addiction is bringing him close to being kicked out again. then he will be on the street. all options for help have been offered to him for recovery but he refuses them. how can a mother watch her son on the street in 28 degree weather. quite a Dilemma

  33. My son is 45 and a chronic alcoholic, every three months or so he will go on a terrible bender for weeks at a time. He has already had two TIP and a stroke and was told by the hospital that if he carried on he would die. This has been going on for 20 years or more what can I do.
    He is also very nasty and abusive.

  34. Hello, my name is Matt and I am the alcoholic son. I’m an only child to my two also alcoholic parents who split a 24 of beer a night. My parents have never been abusive or done anything to promote my alcohol consumption other than making it a normal drink past 5:00pm every night until about 11:00pm. My grandma on my mother’s side had debilitating alcoholism after my grandfather sunddenly passed away from a brain aneurysm during my mother’s childhood. My mother also became an alcoholic in her early 20’s as well as a cocaine abuser during that time. I only started drinking after I had my first serious relationship end while I was away at college so I could not feel like I wasn’t lost and forgotten about by everyone I care about except my parents. I remember the first night I drank alone last year too, I thought about how some people use alcohol to self-medicate and thought about how much it could help me if I drank a couple times a week before I went to bed. Soon it turned into every night. I’ve had 2 or 3 stints where I am sober for 3-4 days before I go on another month-or-so long binge. I am worried about the internal issues in the long run but so far I have only had some pretty sharp pain in, what I assume is my stomach and liver, my left and right sides just under the rib cage. Especially after I drank heavily for 4-6 days straight. I have not vomitted any blood but I have passed some darker/blackish stools which I have read is due to intestinal bleeding. My family has always drank excessively for decades without experiencing life threatening problems, how likely is my chance to have the same fate? I am the only person that knows the extent of my drinking because I recieve very good grades in college and have never missed a class due to being hungover/drunk.

  35. My son is going in entering a VA REHAB facility on Thursday this week. He served 9 years in the Army and spent 1 year in Iraq- which he feels is the main reason for his drinking! He told me he needs alcohol to numb the bad thoughts he has constantly! I live 3 hours away from him. I am married to his Stepdad who is not as understanding as I am. He feels like he should just grow up and deal with life like a man!
    He will be in treament center for 53-56 days then plans to move in with us temporarily until he returns to school and gets a job!
    I love my son with my whole heart but I also love my husband and am feeling terribly torn about how to deal with all of this without it tearing our family apart. There is 1 biological brother and 2 step brothers whom are all fairly close. However, the alcohol has isolated him and he struggles with that constantly. I am hoping that the program he is getting will help him deal with his issues. What can I do to deal with mine? My husband will not accept any outside assistance so I need advice for supporting my son and still keeping peace and healthy relationship with my husband!

    Thanks so much

    Heartbroken and yet hopeful

  36. my daughter is drinking far too much sometimes first thing in the morning and can drink up to
    2 bottles a night. I am extremely worried as she has three children following a very messy break up with husband. I am frightened to take her to a doctor or even suggest this as they will want to involve social services I cannot afford to offer her a rehab clinic, I have spoken to her and she agrees there is a problem but does not know what to do to change. I have found an aa meeting which she has agreed to go to but I am not sure is she needs to be labelled alcoholic
    Please can you give me some advice. Thank you

  37. 15 year old son has been so drunk on 3 occasions that he can barely talk, walk or stand. There have been a few other times when he’s been drunk but coherent. We adopted him and his brother at 5 and 6 years of age. Both parents were alcoholics. I do know there’s a genetic predisposition to alcoholism. So I understand he can’t help himself. We have gotten rid of a lot of alcohol in the house and we have locked up the rest. We just went through Hurricane Harvey and had to move a lot of stuff around. I knew he’d take this as an opportunity to squirrel away something that became available and told my husband to make sure everything was put away. However, through all of the confusion, some was left out and my son got ahold of 2 bottles of scotch. It didn’t look like much was gone from them, but he was so drunk this morning, he couldn’t even hold his head up or focus his eyes. Just FYI, that scotch has been in the house for 12 years…as we rarely drink…only socially and not often.
    What can we do for him before it’s too late?

  38. My son is 26. I am a 60 yr old mom, who has had a stroke and has MS. My son is a mean alcoholic. He uses such harsh words towards me, hurts me, calls me names. Makes fun of me. Everyone says I need to kick him out! I had him thrown in jail a few months back, but that didn’t work. He gets physical with me. His father and his father’s mother and grandmother are also alcoholics. What do I do? I am at wits end.

    1. Hi Lori. He obviously needs help. I suggest that you call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultant.

  39. Hey Carla,
    Not sure what has happened, but just wanted you to know I am thinking about your family and you!
    Margaret

  40. Don’t have a clue where to begin. So much damage over 6yrs of alcoholism from my daughter who has become unrecognisable to me. Umpteen detoxes, latest one last week and yesterday she’s screaming, shouting abusing me and back on the booze. ONE DAY out of detox. She has 2 young girls (with their father) and has systematically turned our world on its head. God help us all – she’s going to die and I have no clue how to deal with that. It’s horrific. All of it. Today is a bad day. Little sleep, racing heart and despair. Welcome to Hell, a Hell NONE of us asked nor prepared for.

  41. My 35 yr old daughter has late stage cirhosis but continues to drink,I am at the end of my emotional rope and feel that I may need ta key myself away from the situation to save myself but the guilt is killing me

  42. I need some help with trying to get my brother clean he is on a very bad path right now and I need some advice and went to do

  43. I had gone with my son to 2 AA meetings after her admitted to me that he is an alcoholic. After that he went to a few meetings on his own and seemed to be doing well for about 1 month. Yesterday I just noticed that he started drinking again. I don’t know what to say to him. I feel very frustrated and disappointed but I don’t want to let that show. Thank you for any advice.

  44. Hi!! My 17 year old son was diagnosed 2 months ago with quite a serious form of Crohns disease and is really very down because the medication he requires to take has certain side effects, one of which is that he is constantly awake finds it difficult to sleep and when he does eventually sleep, he sleeps in for his college in the morning. He also has a part time job and has now stopped going to college. The hospital and doctors appointments are also interrupting his time at college and he is so far behind now that he thought the best thing to do would be to give it up. At the weekend, he got so drunk that his friends had to call me to come and get him. He later confessed to me (although he was still a bit woozy), that he has been secretly drinking in his bedroom. He even told me what he was drinking and how often he did this. I had no idea he was feeling as down as he was…I have never saw my son drunk before and I cannot stop crying (again in secret!!) . I feel like a terrible parent because I had no idea my son was feeling as low as his is. I just don’t know what to do…Is this a slippery slope or the fact that he opened up to me means he wants help..??. I’m at my wits end and don’t know who to talk to. I feel as though all my friends as sick of listening to me but none of their kids have Crohns and don’t understand what its like…?? . Im so scared im going to lose him because I know (and so does he) that alcohol and medication should not go together…

    Thanks for taking the time to read this. I know you probably don’t have the answers but the fact that I was able to sit and just type this is at least giving me the opportunity to talk about it.

    Theresa..XX

  45. My son is 39 yrs old an alcoholic as right now he is living on the streets and under the bridge near the New Orleans Mission where he left. He was doing good but decide to leave . He has been doing drugs and drinking for almost 20 yrs. My husband and I have bought him to a rehab once which he left then the mission. He has overdose do 4 times that I know of. I am a nervous wreck crying all the time and wondering if he is safe. He is my oldest child and his two sibling no longer keep in contact with him. From being in the mission they bought him to the doctors and he found out that he has hepatitis C . He was scheduled to receive medicine but hasn’t shown up. He was such a brilliant man. I don’t know where to turn or go. The mission was our last hope financially. I true believe my son will die soon and it breaks my heart that I remember my funny little boy.

  46. My son is an alcoholic He is 23 He has had several relationships that ended in him being abusive to them and ruining their lives He had a friend at age 16 who died while drunk and driving and he feels this is his fault because he told him to quit being a pussy (sorry) and drink the vodka I told him he never made him drink and that the boy had been drinking for years My son doesnt think he has a problem, drives while drinking Im sure he drinks on the job But Im the bad guy because im the only one who will say anythjng to him about it He shiws up to our house drinking driving alcohol in hand and im the bad guy It seems as everyone is too afraid to address the elephant in the room It has taken a horrible toll on my marriage I look at my husband and think what is this man thinking by not addressing this and quite frankly im ready to leave What can I do My life is consumed with worry for my son I have no idea what to do I have tried talking to him but he just gets mad and laves

  47. My daughter is 23 and is an alcoholic. I split from her dad when she was young as he too was alcohol dependant. My daughter is in torment most of the time but has managed to hold down a job somewhat. I recently heard that she has been asked to leave her apartment, probably due to alcoholic behaviour and I am terrified that she will end up on the street. I have offered for her to come live with me but she refused. I cannot focus on anything else when she has a set back. I am frozen with fear and have nobody to confide in. I love her and remember when she was a little girl, but she is spiralling out of control more times than not and despite going into rehab a couple of times, was drinking within hours of leaving. Now we are unable to get help anywhere for her. There is nothing available that we can access in the UK and it is as if young people with addiction are just expected to cope on their own. I cannot get through to her, she is dismissive and accuses me of not listening to her. I have listened for the last 6 years and she has just gotten worse and worse. I cannot turn my back, I am so scared she is going to die. I just do not know where to turn.

    1. HI Angelina. You may see a psychologist or an addiction counselor that works with families of addicts. They always have useful insights and can advise you on what actions you can take. Also, check out the NGO called Allies in Recovery who work with the CRAFT model for families and interventions: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/

  48. My son is a functioning alcoholic who is financially independent and has kept his job for over 10 years. He is a dangerous binge drinker who has gotten a DUI, driving 100 mph, gone into seizures for alcohol abuse, and been in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. He ruined relationships with friends, being out of control and offensive when drunk with them. Most recently, he cheated on his wife while being blackout drunk. His alcoholic behavior has gone on for over 10 years. I truly believe that he needs professional treatment. He says that he can stop drinking and only has a problem if he takes that first drink. I don’t believe him. Instead of supporting my belief for what is best for my son, my husband keeps giving him another chance to prove he can stop. My husband is concerned about “how it would like” if he didn’t go to work for a month because he was in treatment, so he is, in fact, agreeing with our son that he can get sober on his own, even though he keeps proving over and over again that he can’t. He doesn’t want me discussing our son’s behavior with anyone (i.e. my closest friends) because our son will get angry with me for “embarrassing” him. My intuition keeps telling me that my husband is enabling him to continue drinking. My son’s wife is giving him a second chance, but I fear that the next time he drinks, she will leave him, which will lead to more excessive, life-threatening drinking. I love my son, who has many outstanding traits, but he often gets angry at me when I get upset by his behavior, which is unfair to me. What are your thoughts?

  49. my son is an alcoholic. He is a heavy drinker. after he drinks, He acts like very dangerous. I was suffering from him from 2008. what should do. I really need help. no one helping to handle him.
    Thank you
    Theanmoli

    1. Hi Theanmoliyal. I suggest that you look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/
      Also, call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program for your son. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your son’s individual needs.

  50. hi. im an alcoholic, sober 12 in a half years, as well as i married a drug addict/alcoholic. we also have one child together, and also now divorced. however i learned the hard way what to do in this type of situation of living with an alcholic/drug addict even though i was sober finally myself. What i learned from getting help about it for myself and my child, was not to enable the disease. Its called tough love.People change when the pain to remain the same is greater than the pain to change. Also don’t give them their cake and let them eat it too. Take away all their priviledges in life until they get sober. Set healthy boundries. Don’t enable them anymore in their disease. Say i can’t help you until you help yourself. You can’t phone me or come see me at all. You can’t stay at my house, i won’t give you money. Even call the police on them if you can and report it, or child welfare. If they have children go to court and take them away and don’t allow them to see the children, or talk to them, until they enter a treatment center. The minute that they do, they get their priviledges back. And not only that, you fought for their children to get a healthy parent, not a sick one in their disease. Breaking the cycle of drug addiction too from being passed on from generation to generation. and helping the children feeling loved, not raised by alcoholism or drug addiction around them, Especially by a parent. it is the most damaging to them, and their upbringing. it teaches them to have good self esteem, that they deserve better than that in their own lives. What they are raised around they will think its ok and normal. So break the cycle, and fight for their right to have a healthy parent, not a sick one in their disease. i did for mine, and im proud of it. im teaching him not to accept less than what he deserves, ever. he does not deserve a life like that from a mom or dad. or it could be passed onto my grandchildren too. And NEVER enable the disease. it is not loving, and it is selfish. people will not change without consequences, and by not setting them up, its just helping your loved one to die, and fast. just like children have consequences in order to learn, adults are no different. And always put the children first in life, and their welbeing and safety. While someone is in their disease, they literally cannot. but as you do all these things, make SURE the person in their disease knows you are doing this because you love them, and you don’t want them to die, and that is your whole motive in doing all of this.

  51. I don’t know what to do anymore? Hello I’m Lydia I have a 39yearold son who is a alcoholic. He doesn’t even care anymore about anything not even his own children, I know he adores them but he is to far gone..It really hurts to see your child destroying his life right before you.. H e just lost his job a few days ago ..He is drinking more and more everyday..He says he wants to stop but I don’t see him trying..He is a great son with a good heart but! I don’t see that anymore..I want my son back ..He even tells me mom I’m not going to live long..I don’t know what to do??? I pray for my son everyday cry that he may get better.. My grandchildren are suffering because of this addiction.
    It breaks my heart to see my grandchildren going through this. I don’t want to lose my only son from this.

    1. Hi Lydia. First, I suggest that you look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/
      Then, call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your son’s individual needs.

  52. The pain of loss is almost unbearable. Our beautiful, creative, loving, intelligent daughter, at age 48, just lost her battle to alcohol. She was highly functional. She worked for 8 years at a corporate office and received “outstanding” reviews for her job performance. She served as a leader for a women’s network. She earned two bachelor degrees within the last 5-6 years. Alcohol had not become a “problem” until after she had a gastric bypass in 1996. I’m sure that avoidance of alcohol was mentioned. She met her husband just after her extreme weight loss, and fell in love (perhaps with the idea that she was lovable/attractive). They married and she wore my wedding dress. Beer and wine flowed, and her husband considered this part of his enjoyment of spectator sports and social events. We didn’t know that with the bypass, the chances of addiction increase exponentially. The “bypass” means that the food…and alcohol…is diverted from its normal route and the toxins and alcohol is not processed, but hits the liver in a much higher concentrated state. The liver can take a lot of abuse, but the high toxicity in this case, cannot be absorbed and eliminated quickly enough. The liver becomes scarred and overwhelmed. If the abuse stops, the liver can regenerate; however, if continued, the liver essentially becomes so scarred it can no longer do its job. Cirrhosis will kill you. After their son was born, the only clue was that she would disappear after an hour or so at cookouts or other social gatherings (she didn’t feel well and needed to lie down). They would only stay at our family gatherings for a short time and leave because “the baby needs to go to bed.” Upon a surprise visit, one would find her on the couch, sleeping, and the baby toddling around needing a diaper change. When our grandson was about 8 years old, her husband gave her an ultimatum: either get sober or leave. She chose to leave. She had met a man at a bar where her husband played darts, and she pursued him. He was 22 years older and married. My husband called him a “lounge lizard.” She longed for attention; he was good at giving it. And, most importantly to my daughter, he accepted her just as is. They never lived together, but were on and off companions until the end. One of her counselors called it a “dysfunctional relationship.” We only saw him a few times, socially. That was fine with us. Since we remained close to our son-in-law and grandson, we were not anxious to accept her new alliance. But, we remained very close, and always loved our daughter unconditionally. The ambulance trips to the hospital started about 5 to 6 years ago. Doctors diagnosed severe liver damage about then, but she would go through withdrawal, and follow doctor’s instructions to the letter, taking prescriptions and vitamins and eating properly, and the numbers would show that she was healthy again. Soon, though, we would get phone calls, having a delightful discussion, when suddenly the conversation would get very dark, then vicious and ugly. We learned to say “ok, dear, I’m going to hang up now and we can talk when you feel better.” That was all we could do. It was painful. Then, the past year, hospital visits were frequent, even though the doctors told her the severity of the damage she was doing. All we could do was nurse her back each time. Then, around the end of November, she must have taken the last sip. She was hospitalized most of December, was home after Christmas, and re-admitted before New Years. We asked the palliative care physician to tell her exactly where she stood. It was terminal. The liver is gone and will not regenerate. You will not live long enough to get a transplant. She cried. We cried. She went into hospice care at her sister’s home, to a lovely sunroom where someone could stay every night in a portable guest bed in the same room. We had her for only a few weeks. She died peacefully with a smile on her face. Our heartache will never end.

    1. Hi Mary Sue. I’m really sorry for your loss… I hope others will find your message an inspiration to seek help for alcohol addiction.

  53. My son drinks every day. He sometimes is so drunk he has been found sleeping on the kitchen floor. When he is not drinking, the next day he will lie in bed all day. He does not eat properly. He will not discuss this, He works in a pub and drinks straight away when he finishes work; but will then bring home a bottle of vodka. He has self harmed several times. I do not know what to do with him, he is 24 and I think he will die before me.

    1. Hi George. You may look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/
      Moreover, you may consider check out some rehab options for your son. So, I suggest that you download our free e-book The Definitive Guide to Rehab that can help you choose the right rehab for your son: http://addictionblog.org/ebooks/the-definitive-guide-to-rehab/
      Finally, call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your son’s individual needs.

  54. My brother is an alcoholic. He is only 21 years old and constantly lies to people around him. His girlfriend refuses to let him see his son who is 3 years old and I am concerned he will get worse.

    Sometimes I wish he would be arrested but then feel guilty for hoping he will get worse. My parents are not productive with their method of help, yelling and guilting him which makes the problem worse.

    I am receiving psychotherapy for the abuse that our mother put us through when we were kids. She would pick us up drunk from school in our car and physically beat us when she was in a drunk stupor. I am seeing all the same personality changes that our mother had, aggression, oversensitivity to anything anyone says.

    He recently developed tremors in his hands and is drinking ungodly amount. He will drink half a bottle of tequila and 3-4 Coronas and still be walking and talking. I am afraid that his alchohol tolerance is so high at this moment that he may have a seizure if he stops.

    My Dr has told me that he needs to dry out but it must be supervised. I have changed my approach from ‘stop drinking’ which I understand can be dangerous, to ‘get treatment’.

    Hopefully my successes in getting therapy will convince him that it is worthwhile. He tries to play this off as just a phase that all kids go through while experimenting with alcohol, but it has been going on for the last 2 years.

    1. Hi Eliza. Call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your brother’s individual needs.

  55. I have a 21 year old son who is drinking hard liquor daily I have spoken to him so many times about his drinking he is going to be 22 in a few months I just found a bottle of jack Daniels in his room he is such a good kid i feel like I have lost my son to alcohol he is so smart also has aspergers I am beside myself

  56. My son is aged 46 and single. I have recently discovered that he is a binge drinker (I know that is in effect an alcoholic). He has. just spent 4 days drunk, not having eaten just continually drinking. He will do this until 48hours before starting work again (he is on a weeks today). I know this isn’t enough time to clear his alcohol level but he insists it is. Apparently he does this every time he has holiday we were not aware of this because he lives in his own home. Please can you give me some advice on how I can help him. He is just saying “no I won’t stop yet I want to get bladders. Thank you

    1. Hi Lynda. Call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your individual needs.

    2. Hi Lynda. Call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your son’s individual needs.

  57. I just feel like I can’t take this anymore..I have twin boys who are 36.They both live with me because they don’t have a license and they don’t have jobs.It’s a constant fight everyday.NOT only do I have my son’s I also have his girlfriend.NONE if them work my husband passed away 2 years ago and house is in foreclosure..I do not want to live with them when I move..I’m not dealing with this kind of life anymore..I’m done helping..I hear how these paid rent maybe 2 months but they have lived here on and off for five years…They expect me to pay for everything..They dont get food stamps and aren’t worried about no groceries..I’ve given them plenty of love they just want to drink.I have threatened to baker act but I know 2 days is not gonna fix the problem…I am at a loss..
    I am not a happy person because I hate my life.I just want to be happy.If they work money goes to liquor or other shit nothing going to a future..They dont understand that eventually there isn’t gonna be a free place..I can’t afford them and their lifestyle anymore .IN other words I am not gonna enable but I can’t kick them to the street so what do I do…This didn’t happen yesterday or a month ago this has went on for years..When they had jobs I took them back and forth I felt like it was my job..And another thing rides were free and many mornings were the most miserable always waiting until last minute to get thete going to work late.And my one son drank on job almost everyday..They never cared to help with car payment or car insurance noe did they pay rent or utilities so if they do get a job they wouldn’t pay rent.They are so disrespectful. .It is really sad..I love my boys but I want my own life.And then when my father passed away in Illinois My cousin begged to come to Florida promised to get a job.HE drinks everyday to..My son’s unemployment is about to run out And there won’t be money for beer..They can’t not drink but I am gonna refuse to buy alcohol..I am not gonna keep enabling them ..Right now I don’t have the money to leave but when I do I have told them for months that they aren’t moving with me..
    If you have suggestions I’d like to hear them..Thank you…

  58. My son is 21 and has an addiction to alcohol, he doesn’t see it as a problem he sees it as he is 21 and all his mets do it also, I say addiction because I have seen it my father had a problem when I was frowning up and he was always violent when he drank, my son becomes abusive with words and say very hurtful things and it’s always directed at me his mother, he has depression also and is on medication for that but again won’t stop drinking even though he knows he should not drink… I can’t keep doing this I had a horrible childhood because of family alcoholism and I can’t wth my son go through this. It destroying me because I want to help me all I get is abuse for it, I am starting to struggle mentally because of ll this. My doctor has me on depressants because I have had chronic pain for over seven years and also in that time I lost my brother and my mum also, I really don’t know what to do. I can not sit back and watch my son slowly kill him self with alcohol it’s doesn’t matter what I try to do to help whether I’d be yell and scream or go to his doctor appointment s with him or even sit me tlalk with him. I just feel myself going back to my childhood of being woken in the middle of the night with yelling and fighting and my father bashing my mother, and mentally I can’t do this. I don’t speak to my father because of this and I don’t want mine and my sons relationship to be thy way
    Thank you
    Carol

  59. I am at my wits end with my son’s addition. He doesn’t acknowledge his problem and cause problems for me and my husband (who is not his father). He makes messes, throws up and leaves it, cooks and makes messes. he has two seizures in or house been in the ER and hospitalized for a week and detoxed. He came out and started up again. I want him out of my house and I don’t know how to go about it.

  60. Hi ,I have a son he is 21 year’s old he is alcoholic from when he was 18 and I am hurt to see him hurting ,he live alone and I am single mom .I have my daughter and she is 10 years,she always see her brother drunk and calling us bad names ,I am so hurting and I don’t know what I should do my son he refuse help and he don’t want any one around him please help 🙁

  61. My adult daughter can’t crawl out of the bottle. I just found out she detoxed in the hospital until Saturday. Then she headed off to see friends. Drinking and got a DUI. She got out of jail today. And is I guess in a rehab place she has been before. She can stay for 9 months sober. But she has always left. Her husband is now divorcing her and taking my granddaughters. He can’t do it anymore. What am I supposed to do? What can I say to help her? She has always been a strong wonderful person .

  62. My daughter drinks to excess most nights, she has been to detox about 4 times, but relapses. Having a boyfriend who binge drinks on weekends, is not helping. She has a teenage son and works full time, so going to rehab is not really an option. She has been to counselling and attended AA meetings, but eventually stops going. She has 2 older children, one of which lives with me. I’m so frustrated with her and just want her to get some help.

  63. We have a son 26 yrs old that has schysofranea
    Hears buzzing sounds but are told he doesn’t hear it anymore. Had a real bad drug addiction and doesn’t use any more. Gets money from government. Moved back home for 5 months now under conditions we set. Main one is we have control of debt card. Started off good but has slowly slipped into drinking more and more. Plays Xbox most of the day. Does small chores around the house about 1/2 hr worth a day. Is not motivated to do much anymore. Believe he can work. Over the 5 months when he has no more beer he will make up stuff to get money for more or take beer from us. Has happen about 15 times over this period. Mostly my wife gives in after setting up some discipline. She is getting better. It’s causing a Strian on our marriage. He doesn’t have any friends other then online friends. We suggested support groups to mingle with and maybe find friends. Volunteer work or get work. We would help in any way with these but has no interest at all.
    Tonight he took 6 more beers because he ran out. He doesn’t think he has a drinking problem. He is not allowed to Drink for 2weeks, must pay back for beer he took and is no allowed access to any alcohol in the house. Next move might have to be is move out if he doesn’t get help and start getting motivated with his life. Not sure what else to do. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you

  64. Hi – I am and have been in the midst of an alcoholic daughter. She has lived in my house 3 different times. She is 37 with a 9 year old grandson. It is just the 3 of us. When not drinking she is pretty good. But when she does there is a huge change and lots of anger. I have taken to leaving the house for a few day, thank goodness for a dear friend, and then coming back and slowly getting adjusted. I am really afraid for my own safety and my grandsons at times. She changes into a totally different person. I don’t know how to handle this since she is smart and “never wrong”. I don’t know who to contact for help and how to go about talking with her to help her help herself. I have tried Alanon – not good for me – just made me feel worse, and tried at therapist who specialized in this, but I a got was listened to and “Now what are you going to do?” I only wish I knew. I am so at a loss here and very depressed and worried.

  65. We do not know what to do with our alcoholic son he will not move out he will not stop drinking or get help. It is very difficult for us at the latter end of our lives. He is 44 . What can we do we can’t put him in anywhere. HELP. Jo

    1. Hi Jo. You can see a psychologist or an addiction counselor that works with families of addicts. They always have useful insights and can advise you on what actions you can take.

  66. My daughter is 45 and has been an alcoholc for over 20 years. She does not work. All she does is lay in bed and drink all day long. She has been to rehab-and stopped to buy liquor on her way home. She has been hospitalized in the past for alchohol related seizures. I am 68 years old and commue an hour and a half one way to work. I work full time to pay her bills and mine. She will get sober for a couple of weeks and I try to encourage her and help her so she can get a job. I am paying for a car and insurance because she had a job and no transportation. Within one week of buying her the car, she was back in bed drunk. I am tired and disgusted with her. I want peace back in my life. I am 68 years old and can put nothing away for my retirement. At this point I will never be able to retire. I want her out of my house!!!!! How can I accomplish this? I also have my 94 year old father who has suffered a major stroke to care of. Please somebody has to have some way for me to get her out of my house. Hell at this point I want her out of my life. Oh yeh she has also been diagnosed as bipolar when she was in her 30’s. I think she is just drunk and lazy and afraid she will actually have to take care of herself. She is seeing a psychiatrist and has been to AA nothing helps.

  67. My son 22 years old and an alcoholic. I feel that I have enabled his sickness by giving him money.
    My inclination is to cut him off financially until he shows some signs of quitting.
    Last weekend he and a friend visited me and I allowed him to drink.
    To make a long story short I had to go pick the 2 of them up at 4 thirty in the AM
    Tim was so drunk he couldn’t walk or talk.
    I didn’t lose my temper but suggested they were a poor example for the younger kids who were at the house.
    I said “I think it would be a good idea if they left when they sobered up”
    They did, without apologizing or saying good-bye.
    I Have not reached out to him since the incident and he has not contacted me.
    I feel bad on several different levels.
    1. I am upset that he got so drunk
    2. I am hurt by the fact that he did not apologize or attempt to contact me. (He is living with my other son (his brother) so I can check to make sure he is reasonably ok) and
    3. I am concerned that his drinking will lead him into greater trouble.
    What should I do?
    Continue to withhold financial support? Swallow my pride and contact him?
    Your help and advice is greatly appreciated
    Thanks
    Bill

  68. I have a 46 yr old son who is an alcoholic. Alcohol got ahold of him 3 years ago. He has lost his career as an I T project manager, his fiance and home. This all started when he lost custody of his only child to hiis x wife. He moved in our home 6 months ago. The week he moved in he had a seizure and was in hosp for a week drying out. He recently got a management position at a fast food restaurant, but is drinking every time he gets a paycheck. He has wrecked his car, has had a number of omvi’s, and recently the police picked him up passed out in a ditch. We are in our lat 60’s. we have helped him out at every turn with bills, court costs, his child, driving him to his appts and work. I am emotionally exhausted. He doesnt see he needs help and wont go thru recovery. My husband has supported and helped him thru it all. This, of course, is a strain on our personal lives. we have threatened to kick him out if he drinks, but we never do. At least he has times of sobrity here and does try to work. When he was on is own he stayed drunk every day for months and lost everything he had. Are we doing anything right or just enabling him? I dont know how long we can go on like this at our age. Thanks for letting me talk.

  69. Hi, my two sons aged 19 & 21 are the worst alcoholics problems at home. They steal any valuables at home and sell to get cash, they ads abusive a d dangerous, home is never safe when they are around . I had tried e every trick to stop them with no success. i am now seriously depressed ,

  70. MY SON IS AN ALCOHOLIC. HE IS 31 YEARS OLD AND HAS LIVE WITH US FOR YEARS. MY FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC I WAS AND MY MOTHERS DAD WAS. ALL HIS MONEY GOES TOWARD HIS 30 PACK OF BEER AND CIGARETTES. HE WORKS, NEVER MISSES A DAY OF WORK, BUT HE DOES NOT MAKE ALOT OF MONEY. CAN’T AFORD TO LIVE ON HIS OWN AND DOES NOT HAVE A VEHICLE. HE WAS AN OUT STANDING ATHLETE AND GOOD STUDENT AND HAS HAD MANY FRIENDS. LOT’S OF THEM HAVE GONE THEIR OWN WAY, MARRIED , GIRLFRIENDS ETC. HE JUST STAYS IN HIS ROOM AND WATCHES TV. IT HAS LITERALLY BROKE ME APART, AND HAS AGED ME TERRIBLY. WHAT DO I DO? I’M JUST SICK OVER THIS. I NEED HELP IN ORDER TO HELP HIM.

  71. My son is 31! Never held a job! Was kicked out of airforce years ago! Felled drug test! He is a genius! A good honest kid! For the past ten years, this person is not my kid i don’t know where my kid is! We have had him in numerous rehabs! He leaves or gets kicked out! He’s bipolar! Adad! He doesn’t take his medicine right! Nothing ever changes! My heart is broke! I see no end to this! He has never had any friends! I am mad too! What do I do!

  72. Hi, I have two of my children who drink. One, she is 23 yrs old and my son is 16 yrs old, this also smoke weed all the time. My daughter has two small boys and a boyfriend who is also an alcoholic. But my son when he drinks and comes home drunk he will yell at all of us in the house. He will try to fight his dad and his younger brother, we had called the RCMP three times on him. We have told him not to drink. I am worried about him the most because he says “why am i alive, why did you born me, I hate being alive, i hate life, i want to die but i’m scared because i don’t want to go to hell, i want to kill people who have called me down, calling me stupid, loser” when he comes home drunk, he cries hard and lots, he is so angry with me and my husband, he did shove me hard. I am afraid for him to kill himself or kill someone and he will end up in prison for the rest of his life. I told him that this stage in his life will pass, i say his hormones are causing him to think like this. He will ask for money all the time and we know what he is going to do with it and yet, we do give him money hoping that he will start being a responsible teen, this is our hope. we guide him, meaning we tell him what alcohol does to a person, all that involves being an alcoholic but it doesn’t seem to affect him. We have stopped drinking ourselves to show our children that there is a better life than drinking a precious life away. My daughter, she knows every trick to get us to keep her children but we know what she is trying to do and we do take our grandchildren so that they don’t have to see their mom drunk and their dad fighting, arguing loud with their mom. Its heartbreaking to see our children do this, and my grandchildren to suffer this kind of life. I hate alcohol so much i wish it never existed. I love my children so much what can i do? the slogan “once your an alcoholic, always an alcoholic” I believe this slogan keeps them in bondage, enslaved to thinking that they will be alcoholics for the rest of their lives. I want to believe that when Jesus died we are forgiven when we are saved, from alcoholism. we are saved new hope new lives

  73. My 27 year old daughter has a drinking problem. She lives in New York 6 hours away from us. How do my husband and I help her. She is in complete denial to us. Came home this weekend and had three bottles of alcohol in her luggage. Broke my heart. We didn’t confront her because it was a family reunion. She has been hospitalized and pulled over for a DUI. Still has a court date to attend. Per our request she came home and entered a weekend detox. She says she doesn’t have a problem. How do we help.

  74. My son is 31 and has dyspraxia. Once again he has been out drinking (also a compulsive gambler) and has come home aggressive, violent and this time his phone is smashed to bits. I had open heart surgery 2 weeks ago and my wife is a nervous wreck because this happens frequently. What can we do, can’t cope much more. Is there any help. Dr just say he is an adult and needs to seek help himself!

    1. Hi Paul. I suggest that you look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help:
      http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/
      I also think it would be worth talking to a trusted spiritual or community leader or to confide in someone that you trust.

  75. my 49 year old son is an alcoholic he lost his partner to cancer before xmas2015 and has got worse and wants to die he has serious health problems and keeps attempting suicide recently tried to jump from a bridge where can i get help before its too late i think his time is running out and myself and his 2 sons and brothers dont know what to do we cried with him been firm with hom screamed at him but he cries and we get nowhere .how do we approach him before its to late .weve planned mysef aone of his brothers and one of his sons to talk to him today .one thing i heard him mutter when he came to my home few nights ago was that the doctor gave him three months to live few wks ago how do we deal with that he had broken down at this point please advise me

  76. I have a 44 year old daughter who is a alcoholic. She lives 2 1/2 hours from me. She won’t drive home because the last time (4 years ago) she got a DWI. Every time I go up there on the weekends, she does hold a job, she has been driving for hours. Her behavior is very hard for me to handle. She repeats herself, says very strange things, wants my attention every second and plays her music video’s thinking I want to hear them. After two hours of this she may take a shower so we can go eat or shopping. She doesn’t come home for Christmas so I took her Christmas presents up to her, she said her apartment door was unlocked, so I made the drive, she lives on the second story so I has to carry several bags. When I get up there her door is locked. I set down on the hallway floor, called her cell phone 5-6 times, knocked on the door. She never answered, I waited about 20 minutes, sent her another text that I wasn’t going to set in the hallway all morning and going to the store. Finally after two hours of shopping, I decided to drive home. She call me as I was leaving town, and I was so mad and upset and we just got into a big argument. I’m tried of going up there and she can’t get out of bed or drinking for hours. I had a alcoholic husband who I finally divorced and I now have a great husband who is wonderful. I can’t hardly stand being in that setting again. What should I do?

  77. My 31 year old alcoholic daughter has isolated herself in her apartment and has been drunk for about 6 full days. She has been to treatment 2 x and has had a counselor. She is unemployed and on Obama care. She started drinking around 20 years of age and has been binge drinking and blacking out, off and on for the last 5 years. What do I do? Do I take her to hospital or let her kill herself?

  78. Hello,
    I’m sitting at home by myself crying in thedark. I just don.t know which way to turn. My 22 year old daughter is an alcoholic and it is tearing me to pieces, She got a lot of help this year and went into rehab. It was a 12 week programme and she came out on the 18th May this year. Within 10 days she was back drinking and has been spiralling ever since. When things have got bad for her she takes herslf to A and E where they will detox her for a couple of days then sends her out. Our relationship has completely broken down as I could not take the abuse anymore. I have really tried but am failing miserably to have a mother /daughter relationship with her.My fear is that she will die if this carries on, Somebody please advise me.

    Thank you
    Janet

    1. Hi, Janet. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m really sorry. Recently, I was introduced to Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT). So, check out Allies in Recovery: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/. They are an NGO that works with families to intervene with problem addicts using the CRAFT intervention model.
      Here’s another helpful reading: http://addictionblog.org/author/dominique-simon-levine/
      Hope this will work! Good luck!

  79. Ivana I truly appreciate your response however I am very familiar on dealing with alcoholics for many years, and I do not see where it is I who is need of counseling, but my son should be the one seeking it and owning he has the problem not me I do not drink, and from the years of dealing with it calmer, it came down to tuff love and not ending up dead.

    1. Hello again McCarla. It was just my suggestion, since I couldn’t figure out from your comment that you have in fact sought help before. I meant to encourage you to give it a shot at resolving the issue constructively and I absolutely agree that he’s the one with the alcohol and behavior problem. But, it affects you too and your boyfriend and your life, so it is good to seek support as you are the one who has to deal with the situation. As I re-read your first comment I have to say that no one will ever find you to be the bad guy for taking those measures. Sometimes it’s time to move on, and maybe it will motivate your son to straighten up.

  80. My wife and I are getting wonderful support from ADAction and the Family support unit at the Rehab centre, where my son is attending, he will be in rehab for 6 months, this is giving us time to manage our life.

  81. I am the alcoholic son. I cannot stand it and hate myself for it. I just want to be normal. 24 years old and although I’m a business owner pursuing 2 degrees with an awesome gf, I feel like such a failure. The stuff will kill me one day. I don’t drink everyday, but when I do I go on 3 day binges of stupor :/ I wish this would just stop already

    1. Hello Taylor. You can! With the proper help and approach. You should also be ready for recovery to take a longer time, since there is no such thing as “just quitting”. To get informed and ask about treatment options, feel free to contact our trusted treatment providers through the phone number displayed on our site. Good luck!

  82. I have a 32 year old son who is an alcoholic, he moved in temporarily 8 months ago (again). It has been bad enough that he drinks almost all of his check away, he works fast food, does not help around the house, pays very little, and has trashed his room. Well it has now reached the level of every once in awhile (couple times a month) he verbally abuses me to he has now threatened my life more than once tonight. My live in boyfriend of 7 years goes to work at 11 and that is when it starts, I called the police tonight after 2 1/2 hours of his verbal abuse and threats. and of course it is a civil matter, so now I have to file an eviction come Monday morning and I have choose to wash my hands of this abuse, I already have health issues, and he is my only child I had cancer and hysterectomy at 19 years of age. I don’t know what else to do. His grandfather on his dads side was an alcoholic and so was my mother for many years. Am I wrong for doing this ?

    1. Hello McCarla. Have you tried counseling or psychotherapy? I believe it could help your son with his habits and behavior, but can also help you get your head together and figure out a more structured way to help him. Individuals may have genetic predisposition for addiction, but many other social and economic factors influence it. From what you describe, it is clear that you need professional help. Plus, it will be good to sit down and resolve some issues.

  83. Hi Alan. I feel for you and your wife. Look into the CRAFT model of family intervention. I think that you can really benefit from the program.

  84. My son has mental health issues and is an Alcoholic, just lost his job, just lost his long term girlfriend, he refuses treatment, he knows all the avenues to get well, we have been in contact with all the agencies ourselves, we are heart broken, until he accepts therapy , there is no hope.
    We are getting councilling and we are visiting the DRug and Alcholol abuse centre for help.
    Can we do anything else ?.

  85. Hi, my daughter is 43 years old with a 17 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. She has a recent DUI. Her husband drinks with her every time she drinks and he is the biggest enabler alive. He puts his kids in harms way everyday by leaving her to drive the kids while drunk. I have tried to talk to him about these issues, but he only protects the alcoholic instead of his kids. When I try to talk to her about her alcoholism she becomes very verbally abusive to me. I am about to severe all ties with her, but I’m afraid of leaving the kids without anyone to watch out for them. Not to mention I love them so much. I don’t know what to do anymore. This is affecting my relationship with my husband and with my 2 other adult kids that have disowned her. I need help and don’t know what to do. I am depressed and at my wits end.

    Thank you
    Janet

  86. Hi,

    We do not even know where to start.. We have a son who has both Asperger’s and is Bi-Polar. He has been using alcohol and marijuana. We are trying to make a move but cannot get him to stay clean for more then a week. We are concerned with the move, that he will not be able to join us, though his therapists etc. say that treatment is not a good option. He has already been through dual-diagnosis treatment twice and hospitalized for over 8 weeks in a psychosis and bipolar episode. With is last mental illness episode he was in extremely rough shape. It has affected everything including disorganized thinking. They even suggested he not go to school for the next year to give his brain time to heal. He passes easily as18 or older, and yet thinking at the level of a 12 yr old or so, which causes major problems. We don’t’ give him any cash, we lock up valuables, we have done everything we can think of to help this. The only thing that was haven’t been able to do is move, and I am anxious to get him out of this town and situation as quickly as possible. Do kids stop using when they are in a new environment where they don’t know anyone and/or don’t have access to people who can provide it? My husband and I argue often about our son, it’s an ongoing issue that is coming to a head as he gets older. It’s so frustrating and feels hopeless. Please help. Thank you so very much.

Get Help Today.
You are not alone. We can help you get better.
I am ready to call
i Who Answers?