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How can I help my husband stop drinking?

Why do people stop drinking?

Any person stops drinking because that person realizes that the costs of drinking now exceed the benefits. Drinking must have been fun at first or the person would have stopped soon after starting. With enough drinking the costs grow, even if awareness of those costs lags behind.

Fortunately, the closer you are to someone the more influence you can have on the actual costs and benefits, and on helping that individual to realize that the experience of drinking has changed (and it’s time to get motivated to stop drinking!).

8 tips for communicating with a husband who drinks

The suggestions below could be used for helping anyone you are close with to stop (or cut back) any substance or activity addiction. To keep it simple, we’ll talk about helping your husband stop drinking. In this article we’ll focus on communication. In future articles we’ll focus on how to shift the cost-benefit analysis by increasing the costs of drinking, increasing the benefits of not drinking, and supporting new behaviors that replace drinking.

1. Converse when he is sober and in a good mood.  How long alcohol takes to leave the system varies by drinker, so be sure that your husband is in the clear.

2. Don’t give up! Stay in the conversation as long as you can.

3. Acknowledge that you have (perhaps) given him a hard time in the past.

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4. Compliment him when you can.

5. Break bigger questions into smaller ones. If he can’t answer the big question (what do you like about drinking) perhaps he can answer the smaller question (what did you like about drinking Friday night?).

6. Acknowledge his point of view, and accept it or ask about it (Does it seem like I’m trying to psychoanalyze you?). You are here to understand, not disagree.

7. Make mental notes during the conversation, and perhaps written ones as soon as possible thereafter, about the benefits of drinking he has described. He is opening up his world to you. This information will be the foundation for what you do next.

8. End the conversation by thanking him and promising to think about what he has said.

How can you start taking?

When your husband is NOT drinking, ask him what he likes about drinking. Perhaps the conversation might go as follows:

Wife: I’ve been thinking that maybe I don’t understand your drinking well enough. I know we have fought about it. We both know that much! But I wonder if I have pushed too hard without understanding enough first.

Husband: Are you looking for ANOTHER fight?

Wife: No, I’m not. What I’m curious about is, what do you like about drinking? I realize I may not understand your drinking very much. Would you tell me what you like about drinking?

Husband: Why would you want to know that?

Wife: Obviously you like to drink. You wouldn’t do something unless you thought it benefited you. You are a smart person, that’s one of the reasons I married you. I know I have focused on all the things I think are bad about drinking, but only you could tell me what the benefits are. I’d like to know.

Husband: So what are you going to do with that information?

Wife: At first I just want to think about it. Your drinking has a history. The benefits associated with it are probably complex. I want to start by understanding it better. I think it will also help me understand you better. I know I have given you a hard time about drinking. I’d like to make a fresh start. So, what do you like about drinking?

Husband: That’s a hard question to answer.

Wife: OK, let’s take Saturday night for instance. It was a moderate night for you. You seemed to enjoy yourself. What was enjoyable?

Husband: I just had a few glasses of wine that night. I wouldn’t call that drinking! You know that when people are around I don’t drink very much.

Wife: Well, OK, why don’t you pick I time where you were drinking more? How about one of the nights last week?

Husband: You mean like a night when I start drinking as soon as I get home from work and then stay up late drinking after all of you go to bed?

Wife: Yes, a night like that.

Husband: I don’t know.

Wife: OK, that’s interesting. Are you sure you don’t know or would you just prefer not to tell me?

Husband: I never really thought about why I like to drink, I just like to drink!

Wife: So maybe we can both learn something. Aren’t you curious about your own behavior?

Husband: Not really. I just like to drink. It seems to me a lot of people like to drink, and they don’t need to be psychoanalyzed about it!

Wife: OK, you’ve stayed with me this far in this conversation. I’d like you to keep going with me a bit more. Does it seem like I’m trying to psychoanalyze you?

Husband: All right, I guess not. But that doesn’t mean I can answer your question, or even want to.

Wife: I understand. Would you answer a few basic questions?

Husband: I’ll try, but I’m not promising anything.

Wife: Thanks. I appreciate the effort you are making. How about this? Let’s pick last Friday night, because it’s the last night you drank by yourself. OK?

Husband: OK

Wife: That night, you waited a bit longer than you sometimes do. You had got home about 5:30, but you didn’t start drinking until 6:30. Why did you wait?

Husband: I had promised [their son] that I would play catch with him for awhile. I knew I could still throw the ball even with a beer or two. But I wanted to be completely free when I began drinking. I was dying to drink, but thought I better wait.

Wife: I remember he was happy you played with him. That was sweet of you.

Husband: I should spend more time with him, but work is so stressful I need to unwind somehow, and playing catch doesn’t cut it.

Wife: I think you just gave us one benefit of drinking. Work is stressful. Drinking helps you unwind, and perhaps especially on Friday.

Husband: I could have told you THAT!

Wife: (laughing) Not two minutes ago!

Husband: OK, do you feel better now? I drink because it helps me unwind. Isn’t it obvious?

Wife: I have often thought that you drink to unwind, its true. But I’ve never heard you say it. I feel better knowing you also think that. But maybe there are some other reasons?

Husband: Well, you know how bad work has been….

How can you start the conversation about drinking?

In the example above, the husband is is now more engaged in the conversation about alcohol use. You can do the same. When are you planning to start a similar conversation with your husband? Are you nervous about approaching the subject of alcohol use in your couple? Please share your questions, comments, or feedback below.

Want to learn more?  Next, we’ll focus on how to shift the cost-benefit analysis by increasing the costs of drinking, increasing the benefits of not drinking, and supporting new behaviors that replace drinking.

Leave a Reply

53 Responses to “How can I help my husband stop drinking?
Roxanne
10:59 pm January 15th, 2012

I found the sample conversation to be very helpful. It’s so hard sometimes to get a Loved One talking. This sample offered a great example of how to handle the typical conversation stoppers we so often encounter.

I’m looking forward to more tips for family & friends.

Wayne
7:03 pm September 9th, 2013

I’d like to use this conversation to encourage my wife to cut back on her drinking (she drinks only wine – but ” a lot “). Then evolve into perhaps having her quit. The problem is, she likes drinking, she “can’t wait” till its 5pm. And some days, its 5 somewhere.
How can I get this conversation started, and then kept up. Our children are grown, and worry very much about her, and I worry enough that it makes vacations and get togethers challenging.
I’d appreciate a suggestion or two… is it possible to go down the “cut back” path. She certainly see’s no reason to quit at this time.

Carol
3:34 am January 12th, 2014

My husband is in the hospital. He has the first stages of cerosis ( I know it’s not spelled right) of the liver. He had the flu so he was taking Theraflu and took Tylenol also. This gave him acetamenaphine poisoning. This also affects his liver. I would like to know how to talk to him about quitting drinking. He is currently on a ventilator for a little while because he was having a hard time breathing. His kidneys also shut down. When he found out about the cerosis the doc said he had to be alcohol free for six months before he could get treatment. He lasted about 2 months then he fell off the wagon. I don’t want to watch him kill himself, but I don’t want him to leave me if I force him to make a choice. How do I start that conversation?

2:08 pm January 13th, 2014

Hello Carol. Sometimes the best thing to do is to sit down and have the conversation after you practice with a professional. I’d suggest that you schedule an appointment with a family counselor who specializes in substance abuse issues and get a feel for what to do and what level or enabling is present. You’ll be able to make a more informed decision with professional help from a psychologist.

Lori
5:07 pm May 28th, 2014

My husband of 23 years recently passed because of liver cancer. He was only 55. He was also a heavy drinker. I begged him to slow down but I loved him so much I never really pushed it because I was afraid that he would chose the alcohol over me. Now I am dating a man that is a heavy drinker and I have asked him to slow down but it is not working too good, it seems like the more I ask the more he drinks. I know he loves me but TRUST me when I tell you that it is not pretty or fun watching someone you love dying from drinking. My advise to all of you reading this is push it as far as you have too. I regret not pushing it more because I miss him more then anyone will ever know and I have to live with it for the rest of my life. I love my boyfriend now but I know it will not last because of the drinking but if they love you they will change, if not don’t let them destroy your happiness.

8:26 am May 29th, 2014

Hi Lori. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Have you looked into support groups like Al-Anon or even group therapy? It might help you to understand alcoholism better, and to set boundaries for yourself now and in the future. All my best to you.

patty
11:26 pm June 6th, 2014

My husband has a drinking problem since before I met him but I never knew it was that bad. We have been married for seven years now n been together for about thirteen. Im currently expecting our third child. More than ever I try to help him change his ways with out being the nagging wife.. but it hurts me so much to see that his killing himself slowly every time he open a beer my stomach hurts n my heartaches I feel like I’m llettings our family down by not telling him to just stop an not letting him but more alcohol.

6:01 am June 13th, 2014

Hello Patty. You are not alone! Get help immediately by seeking out a family addictions counselor or a support group like Al-Anon. You need to talk with someone and work out your next steps: an intervention or leaving?

jodi savard
9:36 pm June 17th, 2014

My husband refuses to stop drinking…he says I need to change the way I feel about it NOT him quitting cause that will never happen,even though the only time we fight is when he is drunk. I f say I will leave him if he doesn’t stop he said leave then…no big deal to him. He knows he will be fine without me but I would struggle in life without him. So Im stuck and have no say!! Im a fff fool and feel like giving up on life.I have no family or friends to turn too and he knows it. I don’t feel he loves me like I love him and its been proven time and time again. I hate my life!!!!!

1:37 pm June 19th, 2014

Hello Patti. It sounds like you could really benefit from some talk therapy. Have you reached out to certified psychotherapists in your area? Do you know where to get a referral?

Jamie
2:05 pm June 27th, 2014

I am 26, married 5 years to a man I’ve been with for 11 years. He is 27. We have been fighting over his alcohol consumption our entire relationship. While we used to fight over one beer he would sneak from his parent’s fridge, it has evolved into him drinking I’d say 6-8 (on average) every single day starting when he gets home from work until he goes to bed. On weekends when he doesn’t work, it’s easily a 12 pack and can (rarely) get as high has 20-30 beers in a single day. His behavior while drinking is completely obnoxious and sloppy, and his attitude is so much different than when he is sober. Drinking alcohol severely impacts his judgment (short story: We didn’t live together until we were married and I had a curfew from my parents to be home and he did not. He spent our engagement staying out after work, getting drunk and sleeping with 4 of his coworkers behind my back and I didn’t find out until 3 years after we were married. Horrific!) No matter how much I express how negatively his alcohol abuse is hurting me and our marriage, he claims he “just likes to drink” and that “if I have a problem with it, then it’s just that – MY problem.” I’ve been reading books about alcoholism and trying to educate myself and understand how to deal with it. We are currently in counseling, but he still sticks to his claim that he doesn’t have a drinking problem, I have an acceptance problem. I am coming to the end of the line. I’m doing everything I can think of and know how to do to help our situation. He is making absolutely no effort to resolve anything and he doesn’t believe I will leave him, or says if I want to walk out on my marriage vows over something ‘so silly’ then he’ll show me the door. I want us to progress in a positive direction and I really want to help him, but I am SO tired of being the only one making an effort to change anything. You know it’s bad when your counselor says “your spouse obviously isn’t interested in changing yet, so why don’t you come alone to our sessions since you’re the only one willing to work on things.” Ouch. I’m doing everything I think I’m supposed to, trying everything I can think of, and nothing is getting through to him.

shrungi
1:03 pm November 8th, 2014

firstly, Alcoholic dosen’t want to talk about this issue. Then after become irritate and get angry. the situation become tense and he avoid to talk with me.

April
9:56 pm March 19th, 2015

I’ve been married to my husband for almost 2 years and we have been together for 3. Before we started dating he drank but I didn’t think much about it then after we got together he stopped for almost a year then went back to it but this its worse then it was when we first got together. I have seen him so drunk that he was falling down and tripping over stuff. He’s mean when he drinks he calls hateful names accuses me of stuff I haven’t done. He has almost gotten us in a wreck from drinking and driving BC he won’t let me drive. I love him so much that I don’t want to leave him but I don’t know what else to do anymore. When I try to talk to him about it all he says is I was drinking when u met me and I’ll drink now. His dad is dying of cancer and that has really set his drinking way up. What can I do to help him if he gets another DWI he will go to prison.

6:57 am March 23rd, 2015

Hello April. You can help by seeking therapy with an addiction family specialist like a psychotherapist. The CRAFT model for intervention can also help. Support groups like Al-Anon will open you up to addressing possible tendencies you have to be codependent. The issue isn’t about helping your husband stop, it’s how you can learn to deal with his unhealthy behavior.

hazel
10:32 pm June 16th, 2015

My husband never ever wil go for help or listen to conversations about drinking ….. Very good person and hardworking person always there for his family when his not drinking …… So what can I do

Aruna
4:36 pm July 24th, 2015

My Husband drinks a lot.. when he drinks he hurts me and also hurt himself by hitting the door, breaking his head and blame me for no reason.. I thought of giving divorce but cant as I love him so much.. right now he dont have job too.. he is addicted and says will not stop.. Pls help me how to make him stop..

Lori
1:21 am July 25th, 2015

I’ve tried all of these and nothing has worked in nineteen years. Divorce to me is the only answer but my kids are so angry over the thought of it. I bought a breathalyzer at his request and he’ll swear he didn’t drink but refuse to take the test (he failed it all three times he took it after swearing to God he didn’t). I think Al-Anon is the way to go so I don’t give up the second half of my life to this hell I’ve been in.

alexis
2:24 am August 19th, 2015

It was a good idea for the sample conversation but I’ve tried it before and its like going in a big circle over and over and over again I love him with all my heart we’ve known each other since middle school and been together for years I’m tring to be patient with him because he asked me to he admitts he has a drinking problem but says it’s just to hard to stop that he wants me to help him slow down his drinking and to stop threatening to leave if he doesn’t stop but its not working and I don’t know what else to do when he drinks its never a little if he drinks one SIP of something with alcohol he just has to have more until he passes out sloppy drunk to the point where he pees on himself and if he tries to quit cold turkey the longest that will last is a week and then he will be drunk for two or three days straight and he always has an excuse for his drinking of why he drank so much or what he drank or how fast he drank it but never relizes the problem is him drinking period we never argue unless he’s drunk he never has disrespected me only when he drinks I’m tired of seeing him drunk but I love him to much to leave and I know its not healthy and I know the consequences of drinking to much and the long term damage it can cause to your body weather its alcohol poisoning, kidney failure, all the way to cancer I tell him he’s killing himself slowly even one of his family members drank themselves to death not to long ago and he says that’s not going to be him but won’t stop drinking I urge him to stop before he even picks up the bottle I even pour bottles and bears out or hide them but nothing is working and I’m tired of my drunk husband I want the sober one I fell in love with and I don’t want to be a widow or watch him drink himself to death anymore I feel like I’m out of options and I don’t know what to do

Chimamy
12:45 am September 1st, 2015

He’s not my husband but my fiancé and he drinks a lot. I don’t know what should I do plz I need some idea

REETTU
11:42 am September 14th, 2015

My hubbys ‘s problem is initial he drinks .he is very serious personality he doesn’t’ talk to any one not with me also. He is not in good mood aways.I was talkative but not know with him.I don’t know he loves me or now .we have two kids .how to improve him.he always remain quiet.whenever they want they sleep.

suganthi
5:54 pm October 11th, 2015

I have been married to my husband for last 8 years.I tried everything to stop even treatment but every thing is effortless now I don t know how to handle him further I can t leave him because I love him so much.

lopa
5:39 am October 14th, 2015

Plz help me my husband drinks every day and picks up fights with me,he has become abusive both physically and mentally.is there any medications which I could give him without his knowledge and he would quit this habit.my marriage is on the verge of a divorce,plz help..

Prajapati
8:27 pm November 23rd, 2015

My big brother is drinking wine very much i want solve this problem
My all family members were in a tention.

9:52 pm November 25th, 2015

Hello Prajapati. I suggest you talk with your brother about his drinking, and try both to find solution. I hope you’ll menage to help him. Also, here are several articles that you may find useful: http://addictionblog.org/FAQ/interventions/professional-drug-and-alcohol-interventionist-when-to-call-in-help/ , http://alcohol.addictionblog.org/how-to-help-an-alcoholic-or-drug-addict-get-help/ , and http://alcohol.addictionblog.org/how-to-help-an-alcohol-addict/

Lost
3:57 am December 22nd, 2015

My husband has long since served in the Army and we are expecting our first child. He is always completely sober at work because he values his career, but chooses to drink at home and is verbally abusive to me. He is a wonderful man when sober, but has this Jekyll/Hyde issue going and doesn’t remember a lot of what he says when he wakes up in the morning. If the Army finds out about his problem he won’t be promoted, and that will hurt us greatly. He can’t go to rehab because we don’t have the money, our insurance would not cover the cost and the Army would wash their hands of him. What should I do?

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
11:04 am December 24th, 2015

Hi, Lost. You could check out Allies in Recovery, an NGO that works with families to intervene with problem addicts using CRAFT intervention model: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/.
Here’s another helpful reading: http://addictionblog.org/author/dominique-simon-levine/
Hope this will help!

Zamngaih
7:00 pm December 30th, 2015

I’m 23 and my fiance’s 25, it’s just14 days since he came at my place to spend his vacation and he’s been drinking almost everyday.. Doesn’t cause much trouble when he’s drunk but I want him to stop and yes talked to him about it when he’s sober..all I want is him to realise his mistakes and stop drinking before he gets addicted. I’ve spoken and told him his mistakes,prayed while he’s with me and I know that makes him happy and secure but he still drinks the next day. Im always soft and gentle no matter what . What can I do to make him realise his mistakes and keep himself away from alcohol.
As you know I’ve tried almost everything.would be glad if I could get any better suggestion from your side..

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
3:46 pm January 4th, 2016

Hi, Zamngaih. I totally understand you. I suggest you to check out Allies in Recovery: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/. They are an NGO that works with families to intervene with problem addicts using the CRAFT intervention model. You’ll have to do some reading and get yourself familiar with the style. Also, here’s another helpful reading: http://addictionblog.org/author/dominique-simon-levine/ Good luck!

Helpless
7:54 am January 8th, 2016

I grew up with my father drinking. He would hit my
Mother behind closed doors when he was drunk. I hate alcohol with a passion. As I got older I vowed that I would always protect my children from seeing people drinking even having alcohol in my home. I met my husband when I was only in middle school. 16 years this year. He picked up drinking when he started a roofing job and began to drinking heavily. Tequila. Mixed drinks you name it. A few years after the began popping pills and mixing it with alcohol. To the point where we separated. He wasn’t himself he was mean to me verbally and violent to hitting walls and breaking something. Told me he didn’t care and that I could have it all. That he wasn’t coming back. Emotionally it killed me inside that I couldn’t do anything to help him stop. We got back together after he committed himself to seeking help with god. We’re going to a wonderful church. But now I feel like he’s starting down that same path. He doesn’t even see it. He’s taking in so much (work wise) and doesn’t know how to say no to people. Phone always ringing and can even sit down to eat. So he’s under a lot of pressure. He would drink 2 or 3 drinks while we’re out having dinner. And pick up more after. Then says he’s alright after drinking. But deep down I know he’s not. He’s becoming very short tempered and lashes out at any little thing. I’m at ease when he’s not home and as soon as he walks through the door I feel like I’m walking on egg shells. And need to be careful in what I say and do so he doesn’t go off. I can’t do this anymore I don’t have the strength to fight in me. I don’t want to go back to that same lifestyle. I don’t want my children to grow up in this sickening environment. I want better for them. Sad to say but at this very moment I’m sitting on the floor making sure he doesn’t come in the house tonight. And it’s almost 1am. GOD HELP ME!!!! I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried to talk to him letting him know that he’s first off hurting himself, me, our children, and our marriage but nothing is going through. Please please please help me. I feel so lost and alone.

Varsha
9:57 pm February 2nd, 2016

My husband drinks whole day and night. When I am sleeping he wakes me and beats me for no reasons. He talks by himself. He’s a policeman and it’s been one month he is not going to work.

Sim
4:24 am February 10th, 2016

I’m not sure when my husband would come home drunk… Weekdays or weekends. Has a good job .He denies he’s drunk, always lies even if he cannot walk or talk properly after drinking.

Jessica
4:38 am February 14th, 2016

I’ve talked to my husband on various occasions that i think ot would our relatioship if he took it easy on the beer or just stopped. He only says to me that he thinks he’s come a long way since when he first started and I say to myself that hes only 22 why is it so hard for him? He comes out and says that that is who he is and he just cant help it. I dont drink at all ever since i had my daughter 4 years ago, and it hurts to see that she’ll hand her dad a beer if he asks for it and she thinks its normal. He sometimes leaves after I’ve gone to sleep to go drink with his friends and I dont want it to become a habit. I love him and dont want to leave him but i feel like its just becoming too much. I dont know what to do anymore.

Amadeus
10:59 am February 18th, 2016

My boyfriend drinks daily. I know he drinks during the week (although I cannot say how much because we don’t live together) but he starts after work and goes on through the evening. On the weekends, all of our outings involve bars and drinking and I am quite fed up with it. However, it is too easy to enable his drinking because I enjoy social drinking, and when he drinks he is more outgoing, extra sweet, and loving. However the costs outweigh the benefits, and the sheer quantity and frequency is horrible (and if he drinks liquor he gets drunk really fast). I hate to see him weaving when he walks and slurring his speech. Such a turn-off. On top of this, my casual drinking has increased in the years we’ve been together and I am not comfortable with that. We just discussed the seriousness of this matter and he says he is embarrassed and wants to stop. He says although he strongly wants to do it on his own, he is afraid he can’t because he hasn’t been able to yet. I don’t know how to help him. Are there resources or secular groups, etc. that you can refer us to? I know this is more difficult than it seems and he is going to have a tough time joining any groups and speaking openly about this.

Jenny
8:10 pm March 5th, 2016

My fiance is a heavy drinker and he also uses it to unwind after work. We’re both teachers and i know he puts a lot of energy into teaching, but we teach adults english and it’s not that stressful… anyhow, he generally opens his first drink on saturday abot 10 in the morning and that’s after a heavy friday. Every night he has 3 to 6 beers and/or a few bottles of wine. He just recently got divorcred and instead of talking about it he drank from morning to night. I nearly left him… i guess my problem is that i don’t know how to talk to him. He gets really defensive when the subject is brought up. He gets angry because we used to binge drink together. I have stopped and only have a few beers in a week now, trying to encourage him through my actions. He thinks i’m judging him or being hypocritical if i ask him about his drinking. Really i’m worried and i feel myself becoming resentful because it’s the only thing we can’t have an open dialogue about. I’m going to try the conversation in this blog and cross my fingers it helps.., if it doesn’t, how can i tell him my limits of what i can or can’t accept and behaviour without sounding threatening? Thanks for the help. I’m feeling helpless and desperate at the moment but feel i can’t give up on him yet.

Shari
4:06 am March 22nd, 2016

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and we are expecting our third child. Alcoholism runs in his family. When I met him I didn’t think much. Our first trip to Mexico. He was so drunk fell over and nearly choked me. I have never been touched before. When we got home over the next few months He would drink straight vodka. Fall asleep. Get angry mean and abusive. He then can go months without anything and we are happy once again. Then there he goes. I feel like a babysitter and feel like I can’t even leave the kids alone with him because he’ll drink and pass out. Hiding beers drinking and hiding his stuff. I hate walking on egg shells around him. I let him pass out. He has recently starting doing it again. Drinking beers and now hard alcohol again. Tonight he walked in toppled over bad and passed out on the couch. His step dad passed away today but he’s been sick for a while. I almost knew this was going to happen. I feel,so trapped unhappy. Sometimes it hurts.

Trapped
7:37 pm March 28th, 2016

HELPLESS…your story is so similar to mine only I am probably at least 20 ears older. I have been with my husband 20 years. Our fathers both drank and screamed all the time and threatened abandonment. Children of alcoholics OFTEN end up with similar partners. We believe that the outcome will be different for us but it hardly ever is. I never had kids cuz I think we both knew we’d never be able to be good parents. I have ended up unemployable and totally dependent on him. I thank God he’s not physically abusive. He is obnoxoious to the pount i feel like i am talking to a retarded 6 year old. On the days hes sober i remember why i married him and have hope again. But it never lasts. The time passes so fast. The best advice I can give you is to take steps to be dependent. To be able to support your children. Then you have leverage and power. Never stop doing things to improve YOURSELF. Make sure you don’t lose track of who you are and the mommy your children love! After awhile you may not care if u love him or you just will have had enough. Please don’t avoid family and friends. Right now my husband is so drunk he’s peed himself. I have no feelings anymore. I cannot support myself due to disability, but have been denied Social Security. You don’t want to end up like this.

unknown
5:04 pm April 8th, 2016

my husband do have a drinking problem becaus everynight he goes out to a tavern for drunk and i dont know what els ,i gave birth recenrly to our second son and he still never change one bit not for us or neither for our children,i love my husband so much and i want a much beter life with him but it looks like without drinking he cant have a beter life with us.he comes late home more angry when he enter the house and sometimes it feels like i just need to give up on us but then i look at him thinking his the father of my children how can i just leave him i realy love him alot but i want him to stop with this drunk everynight its hurting me more and he is happy about that he love his way of drinking he even get angry when i talk to him about this drunk issue.i realy need advice and help on this.

Gertie
10:49 am April 12th, 2016

More help on how to substitute alcohol craving for another passtime….

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
3:57 pm April 12th, 2016

Hi Unknown. I suggest you speak with your husband about your concerns. Also, you may consider counseling sessions that can help you both you and your husband to overcome your problems. Further, you may look into the CRAFT intervention model. One NGO called Allies in Recovery: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/ works with families to intervene with problem addicts using.

Sandra
4:31 am April 18th, 2016

Hi I need help my husband been drinking a lot a don’t know what to do

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
2:35 pm April 18th, 2016

Hi Sandra. First I suggest you speak with your husband and explain him that drinking is bothering you. Then, you look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. Allies in Recovery, an NGO, has some online reading that can help:
http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/

Pinky
10:06 pm April 26th, 2016

I am 20 years old and I’m Eight months for pregnancy but my husband is not care about me he care about alcohol. Sometimes he left me alone in the night and he go to the taven may be two days or more than that almost a week. I now I get a stress because of that. I don’t know how can I do.

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
2:36 pm April 29th, 2016

Hi Pinky. You may look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help:
http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/

worried
9:10 am May 7th, 2016

hi iam so worried these days. My husband to be likes alchole and its getting too much. we stay together and when he is drunk he becomes an animal that i cant explain. I fear that he might do something stupid without knowing. he does not drink everyday bt mostly wen he hangs out with his friends. i love him and really want him to quit because i fear for him that it might get worse. He seems not to see the danger of it and he apologises alot after hurting me but i just want him to be sober 24/7

Useless
11:02 pm June 15th, 2016

Hi, I’ve been with my hubby for 15 years, since I was 16. He’s always been a bit if a drinker but since we’ve had our two children (eldest is 6) he’s now drinking every day. He no longer works so he gets up 9ish and gets his beers (super strength 8 a day)in then comes home and starts drinking straightaway-until bedtime. i try to mention he should cut down and he insists he’s not an alcoholic. If I’m totally honest, I prefer him drinking- he’s more fun, relaxed, playful. And when he’s sober he’s irritable, unsociable and very stressful. The problem is he is leading us further and further into debt, we can’t afford holidays or new clothes- just scrape by with the basics. And I really worry about his health, he’s 10 years older than me and I’m terrified he gonna make himself seriously ill. Any advice?? Thanks xx

Amy
6:09 am July 10th, 2016

I have been with my husband for almost ten years. We have to daughters together. My husband is a hard worker, he does great things for us. He’s seriously a great person, but he drinks! Not everyday, but a couple to a few days a week. I think if he didn’t worry so much about what I how I feel about him drinking that he’d drink more. He has been raised by alcoholics, although I love his family they are a huge downfall to him. Overall, he stays away from them because he does acknowledge that they’re toxic in some ways. Over the past ten years he has had three dui’s. Its been costly and put our family through hardships. The thing is he knows he is wrong for drinking too much and making bad decisions, but every once in awhile he messes up. I live in fear because I watch him drink and wonder is this the day he messes up. I know my husband and he is sincerely sorry for putting us through this, but it seems like he just can’t stop. I’m seriously losing my mind. His good qualities definitely outweigh the bad, but being with an alcoholic is stressful. I found this site to be helpful, but my problem is he acknowledges he has issues, but doesn’t follow through with slowing down or quitting. Its excuse after excuse. I’m about to walk away,but if there’s any advice someone can give me so I can keep my family together, I’m all ears. Thank you for reading this.

Realist
9:06 am August 1st, 2016

What the f*ck is this crap?!?!? I am an alcoholic. I know I am. Anyone bringing this psyronizing shit salad to my attention obviously knows I drink too much. Guess what. I’m the rare drunk who recognizes she has a problem. I’m also the bread winner who has been pulling my self together well enough to support your ass got the last decade. I’m doing my best to help hold things together (by taking on all the financial responsibility for our family —you know like pulling $20000 out of thin f*cking air to keep our family going?!?!). Meanwhile I’m tip toeing my way to figuring my shit out with the drinking while still holding my shit together in public. If my spouse spoke to me in the patronizing way described above, I’d go buy the biggest f*cking bottle I could and drink it down right in there face do they wouldn’t pull that shit again.

Nancy
4:55 am August 6th, 2016

I need help with my husband and what to do or not do. He has been passed out off and on for four weeks going. He has Aspergers Syndrome and has never gotten any good help. AA has not been enough for him. I am about ready to let him go but feel like I want to be sure I have tried everything

Gail
5:43 am August 8th, 2016

My husband drinks like he can’t get enough. And I tried to talk to him but he says the same owe thing over and over. I get so tired of the drinking. He carries one in his hand and one in his back pockets. I think I am going to separate from him just leave then he can drink all be wont’s.

Tried everything
5:46 am August 24th, 2016

Hi Everyone. I have a husband that drinks every day after work on Sunday’s sometimes he’ll have a drink most Sunday’s nothing. Just recently he let me down in big way where I threw his ass out because he came to me blind as bat and we had huge fight and he pushed the wall in I told him to leave he wouldn’t then next day doors locked when he came home he thought all was forgotten but it wasn’t his bag was packed and out the front. he was sorry but not sorry enough they think they can just disrepect us and get away with it on wed 11.30pm no way am I going to put up with this I had a father that drank a lot growing up I know what alcohol does my husband wouldn’t lay a hand on me but pushing walls and being a sloppy husband and father no good don’t need or want someone like that is my life what example is your husband showing his kids. I have been with my hubby for 16 years and been married for 7 we have two young daughters one 2 and half and one just turned 5. We deserve better don’t put up and shut up you deserve respect and love a marriage is equals. Good luck :-) 😃

Asia
1:02 pm August 28th, 2016

My boyfriend of four years is an alcoholic. I know they say you can’t change a person and I’m not trying to I’m just trying to get him to see how better off he would be if he was to stop or even slow it down. I can’t understand why he does it but I’m assuming it was what he saw his father and other relatives do and on top of that all of his friends drinks but he is the only one who doesn’t know his limits . His has been trying but its like he does it only to keep me from arguing with him then he’ll go right back. We now.have a 1 year old daughter and I think I’m at my breaking point I feel like I can’t continue to monitor him like a mother I have her to focus on now and she didn’t ask for any of this. Im in need of some serious guidance.. I don’t know if this is worth fighting for anymore!

Ella
8:20 am August 31st, 2016

I’ve been reading about alcoholism and alcohol abuse for months now. Someone close to me abuses alcohol. I instinctively know that these sample questions will not work.

If the alcohol problem is proper alcoholism then there is a chemical addiction/dependency situation going on that cannot be rationalised out of. Intellect cannot win.

What makes me angry is that many of those whom are alcoholics are that way because of deep seated anxiety. They drink to ease anxiety. A simple drug, baclofen, has been used to treat alcoholism to great effect in many people but it’s not a popular option because Big Pharma can’t make huge profits from it. Baclofen is a relatively old medication and thus relatively cheap.

If someone’s drinking is based on and driven by anxiety, baclofen may be useful.

Just tired
3:11 am September 18th, 2016

We got married when we were very young,almost 40 yrs. now. His brother and best friend died of cancer a few yrs. ago. We have wonderful growen kids all close by. A very hard worker and has always taken care of his family. He has always drank a lot if times to much but after his brothers death its as though he has died inside to. I feel more of a caretaker then his wife. Everyday after work he drinks till passes out on weekends it starts around 8 or 9am all day. He will look at me when I try to talk to him like he has never hated anyone more. he’ll repeat the same thing over and over again. The next morning acts like nothing has happened. I am so very tired and feel so alone.sometimes I feel as though he’d been better off it had been me not his brother

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