Tuesday April 25th 2017

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My daughter or son is an alcoholic: What can I do?

Watching a child lose themselves in alcohol addiction can make parents feel helpless. If you suspect, “My child is an addict!”, there is no magic bullet or good advice that can stop an addiction and so when most people see their son or daughter slipping into alcoholism, they simply do not know how to stop it. Here, we review some practical suggestions in addressing a suspected alcohol problem within your family. We invite your questions about treatment or family therapies for addiction in the comments section at the end.

STEP 1: The Old Ways May Not Be The Best

Many parents, upon discovering their children have an alcohol problem, resort to traditional parenting reactions. They attempt to punish their child. This could be cutting them off from “bad friends”, Sending them to their room, Taking away privileges or even just getting angry and yelling. These methods may have worked in the past, but chances are, they will not work to treat an addiction. The two reasons for this are that, 1) if they are old enough to get alcohol, they are probably old enough to have some independence which means traditional punishments are harder to enforce. 2) Punishing an addict does nothing to fight the addiction. So, your first step is to recognize that what you used to do…is broken, and that you need to seek alternative ways of coping.

STEP 2: Talk To Them

People with an alcohol problem do not respond to anger, they respond to empathy. Someone who is drinking too much may already feel depressed or isolated, punishing them further really only serves to increase their urge to drink. The best way to approach an alcohol addiction is to talk to the person. Do not do this when they are drunk, wait until they are sober, and maybe even a bit hung over. Tell the person that you are worried about them, that you care for them and that you just want to help.

Also remember to go to them with evidence and ideas. What this means is, before you speak to anyone about an alcohol addiction, it is important to gather evidence to prove they have a problem. No evidence means they can just deny everything. Once you have the evidence, the ideas come into play. Find a list of treatment options so you can have them ready for the talk. Ideas of the treatments available will show the addict that there is a way out. It is like offering a ray of hope.

STEP 3: Take Action

Once you have spoken to your child about a possible addiction to alcohol, it is time to take action. If you can, go with them to speak to a doctor about the condition, Speak to a counsellor or look at a treatment centre. All of these options can be effective in getting treatment but it may be hard to get your son or daughter to embrace them.

If you are having trouble, speak to a doctor, counselor or treatment centre yourself. They can offer advice and some comfort. It is also a good idea to look into some family support groups. There are organisations out there that are designed to support the families of alcoholics. They are full of people just like you that have gone through it all before and may be able to help.

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You Can Only Do So Much

Addiction is often called a family disease because it affects everyone around it, but when it comes to treating addiction, The Addict has to make the first move. If you have Offered help and provide your son or daughter with treatment options, there is not a lot more you can do. Most addicts that actually kick their habit do so because they decide to.

If someone does not want to quit, there is very little that can be done to treat them. A good example of this is people in prison treatment programs. These people do not have access to drugs or alcohol for years at a time but once they get out many go right back to using. This is because they were forced to stop rather than choosing to stop themselves. Until someone decides they want to get better, they will not respond well to treatment. If your son or daughter is refusing treatment, attend family support meetings and get yourself some help and support. The only other thing you can do is keep encouraging the addict to go to treatment.

The road is not easy

This may not seem like an easy road or the answer most people want to hear but it is the truth. Having a child with an alcohol addiction is never easy but with help love and support, most people can get better. We invite your questions or comments in the section below and will try to respond to you personally and promptly.

Photo credit: Wiki Media Commons

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61 Responses to “My daughter or son is an alcoholic: What can I do?
3:41 am August 5th, 2014


We do not even know where to start.. We have a son who has both Asperger’s and is Bi-Polar. He has been using alcohol and marijuana. We are trying to make a move but cannot get him to stay clean for more then a week. We are concerned with the move, that he will not be able to join us, though his therapists etc. say that treatment is not a good option. He has already been through dual-diagnosis treatment twice and hospitalized for over 8 weeks in a psychosis and bipolar episode. With is last mental illness episode he was in extremely rough shape. It has affected everything including disorganized thinking. They even suggested he not go to school for the next year to give his brain time to heal. He passes easily as18 or older, and yet thinking at the level of a 12 yr old or so, which causes major problems. We don’t’ give him any cash, we lock up valuables, we have done everything we can think of to help this. The only thing that was haven’t been able to do is move, and I am anxious to get him out of this town and situation as quickly as possible. Do kids stop using when they are in a new environment where they don’t know anyone and/or don’t have access to people who can provide it? My husband and I argue often about our son, it’s an ongoing issue that is coming to a head as he gets older. It’s so frustrating and feels hopeless. Please help. Thank you so very much.

6:17 am August 29th, 2014

Hi, my daughter is 43 years old with a 17 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. She has a recent DUI. Her husband drinks with her every time she drinks and he is the biggest enabler alive. He puts his kids in harms way everyday by leaving her to drive the kids while drunk. I have tried to talk to him about these issues, but he only protects the alcoholic instead of his kids. When I try to talk to her about her alcoholism she becomes very verbally abusive to me. I am about to severe all ties with her, but I’m afraid of leaving the kids without anyone to watch out for them. Not to mention I love them so much. I don’t know what to do anymore. This is affecting my relationship with my husband and with my 2 other adult kids that have disowned her. I need help and don’t know what to do. I am depressed and at my wits end.

Thank you

1:26 pm January 11th, 2015

My son has mental health issues and is an Alcoholic, just lost his job, just lost his long term girlfriend, he refuses treatment, he knows all the avenues to get well, we have been in contact with all the agencies ourselves, we are heart broken, until he accepts therapy , there is no hope.
We are getting councilling and we are visiting the DRug and Alcholol abuse centre for help.
Can we do anything else ?.

5:13 pm January 16th, 2015

Hi Alan. I feel for you and your wife. Look into the CRAFT model of family intervention. I think that you can really benefit from the program.

10:31 am March 29th, 2015

I have a 32 year old son who is an alcoholic, he moved in temporarily 8 months ago (again). It has been bad enough that he drinks almost all of his check away, he works fast food, does not help around the house, pays very little, and has trashed his room. Well it has now reached the level of every once in awhile (couple times a month) he verbally abuses me to he has now threatened my life more than once tonight. My live in boyfriend of 7 years goes to work at 11 and that is when it starts, I called the police tonight after 2 1/2 hours of his verbal abuse and threats. and of course it is a civil matter, so now I have to file an eviction come Monday morning and I have choose to wash my hands of this abuse, I already have health issues, and he is my only child I had cancer and hysterectomy at 19 years of age. I don’t know what else to do. His grandfather on his dads side was an alcoholic and so was my mother for many years. Am I wrong for doing this ?

11:25 am April 14th, 2015

Hello McCarla. Have you tried counseling or psychotherapy? I believe it could help your son with his habits and behavior, but can also help you get your head together and figure out a more structured way to help him. Individuals may have genetic predisposition for addiction, but many other social and economic factors influence it. From what you describe, it is clear that you need professional help. Plus, it will be good to sit down and resolve some issues.

7:53 am September 22nd, 2015

I am the alcoholic son. I cannot stand it and hate myself for it. I just want to be normal. 24 years old and although I’m a business owner pursuing 2 degrees with an awesome gf, I feel like such a failure. The stuff will kill me one day. I don’t drink everyday, but when I do I go on 3 day binges of stupor :/ I wish this would just stop already

4:22 pm September 23rd, 2015

Hello Taylor. You can! With the proper help and approach. You should also be ready for recovery to take a longer time, since there is no such thing as “just quitting”. To get informed and ask about treatment options, feel free to contact our trusted treatment providers through the phone number displayed on our site. Good luck!

2:15 pm September 24th, 2015

My wife and I are getting wonderful support from ADAction and the Family support unit at the Rehab centre, where my son is attending, he will be in rehab for 6 months, this is giving us time to manage our life.

10:19 pm September 24th, 2015

Ivana I truly appreciate your response however I am very familiar on dealing with alcoholics for many years, and I do not see where it is I who is need of counseling, but my son should be the one seeking it and owning he has the problem not me I do not drink, and from the years of dealing with it calmer, it came down to tuff love and not ending up dead.

11:50 am September 25th, 2015

Hello again McCarla. It was just my suggestion, since I couldn’t figure out from your comment that you have in fact sought help before. I meant to encourage you to give it a shot at resolving the issue constructively and I absolutely agree that he’s the one with the alcohol and behavior problem. But, it affects you too and your boyfriend and your life, so it is good to seek support as you are the one who has to deal with the situation. As I re-read your first comment I have to say that no one will ever find you to be the bad guy for taking those measures. Sometimes it’s time to move on, and maybe it will motivate your son to straighten up.

11:30 pm December 28th, 2015

I’m sitting at home by myself crying in thedark. I just don.t know which way to turn. My 22 year old daughter is an alcoholic and it is tearing me to pieces, She got a lot of help this year and went into rehab. It was a 12 week programme and she came out on the 18th May this year. Within 10 days she was back drinking and has been spiralling ever since. When things have got bad for her she takes herslf to A and E where they will detox her for a couple of days then sends her out. Our relationship has completely broken down as I could not take the abuse anymore. I have really tried but am failing miserably to have a mother /daughter relationship with her.My fear is that she will die if this carries on, Somebody please advise me.

Thank you

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
2:50 am December 29th, 2015

Hi, Janet. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m really sorry. Recently, I was introduced to Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT). So, check out Allies in Recovery: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/. They are an NGO that works with families to intervene with problem addicts using the CRAFT intervention model.
Here’s another helpful reading: http://addictionblog.org/author/dominique-simon-levine/
Hope this will work! Good luck!

7:29 pm January 14th, 2016

What to do when a child is involved?

6:08 am January 26th, 2016

My 31 year old alcoholic daughter has isolated herself in her apartment and has been drunk for about 6 full days. She has been to treatment 2 x and has had a counselor. She is unemployed and on Obama care. She started drinking around 20 years of age and has been binge drinking and blacking out, off and on for the last 5 years. What do I do? Do I take her to hospital or let her kill herself?

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
5:03 pm January 29th, 2016

Hi, Charlene. I suggest you take her to hospital. Also, you may check out Allies in Recovery: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/. They are an NGO that works with families to intervene with problem addicts using the CRAFT intervention model.

5:49 pm February 1st, 2016

I have a 44 year old daughter who is a alcoholic. She lives 2 1/2 hours from me. She won’t drive home because the last time (4 years ago) she got a DWI. Every time I go up there on the weekends, she does hold a job, she has been driving for hours. Her behavior is very hard for me to handle. She repeats herself, says very strange things, wants my attention every second and plays her music video’s thinking I want to hear them. After two hours of this she may take a shower so we can go eat or shopping. She doesn’t come home for Christmas so I took her Christmas presents up to her, she said her apartment door was unlocked, so I made the drive, she lives on the second story so I has to carry several bags. When I get up there her door is locked. I set down on the hallway floor, called her cell phone 5-6 times, knocked on the door. She never answered, I waited about 20 minutes, sent her another text that I wasn’t going to set in the hallway all morning and going to the store. Finally after two hours of shopping, I decided to drive home. She call me as I was leaving town, and I was so mad and upset and we just got into a big argument. I’m tried of going up there and she can’t get out of bed or drinking for hours. I had a alcoholic husband who I finally divorced and I now have a great husband who is wonderful. I can’t hardly stand being in that setting again. What should I do?

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
11:37 pm February 2nd, 2016

Hi, Debbie. There is a lot going on for you. I suggest that you look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/

12:05 pm February 5th, 2016

my 49 year old son is an alcoholic he lost his partner to cancer before xmas2015 and has got worse and wants to die he has serious health problems and keeps attempting suicide recently tried to jump from a bridge where can i get help before its too late i think his time is running out and myself and his 2 sons and brothers dont know what to do we cried with him been firm with hom screamed at him but he cries and we get nowhere .how do we approach him before its to late .weve planned mysef aone of his brothers and one of his sons to talk to him today .one thing i heard him mutter when he came to my home few nights ago was that the doctor gave him three months to live few wks ago how do we deal with that he had broken down at this point please advise me

12:34 am April 3rd, 2016

My son is 31 and has dyspraxia. Once again he has been out drinking (also a compulsive gambler) and has come home aggressive, violent and this time his phone is smashed to bits. I had open heart surgery 2 weeks ago and my wife is a nervous wreck because this happens frequently. What can we do, can’t cope much more. Is there any help. Dr just say he is an adult and needs to seek help himself!

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
3:51 pm April 7th, 2016

Hi Paul. There is a lot going on for you. I first suggest that you look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help:
I also think it would be worth talking to a trusted spiritual or community leader or to confide in someone that you trust.

11:36 pm April 13th, 2016

My 27 year old daughter has a drinking problem. She lives in New York 6 hours away from us. How do my husband and I help her. She is in complete denial to us. Came home this weekend and had three bottles of alcohol in her luggage. Broke my heart. We didn’t confront her because it was a family reunion. She has been hospitalized and pulled over for a DUI. Still has a court date to attend. Per our request she came home and entered a weekend detox. She says she doesn’t have a problem. How do we help.

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
12:57 pm April 15th, 2016

Hi Diana. I suggest that you look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help:

7:36 am April 24th, 2016

Hi, I have two of my children who drink. One, she is 23 yrs old and my son is 16 yrs old, this also smoke weed all the time. My daughter has two small boys and a boyfriend who is also an alcoholic. But my son when he drinks and comes home drunk he will yell at all of us in the house. He will try to fight his dad and his younger brother, we had called the RCMP three times on him. We have told him not to drink. I am worried about him the most because he says “why am i alive, why did you born me, I hate being alive, i hate life, i want to die but i’m scared because i don’t want to go to hell, i want to kill people who have called me down, calling me stupid, loser” when he comes home drunk, he cries hard and lots, he is so angry with me and my husband, he did shove me hard. I am afraid for him to kill himself or kill someone and he will end up in prison for the rest of his life. I told him that this stage in his life will pass, i say his hormones are causing him to think like this. He will ask for money all the time and we know what he is going to do with it and yet, we do give him money hoping that he will start being a responsible teen, this is our hope. we guide him, meaning we tell him what alcohol does to a person, all that involves being an alcoholic but it doesn’t seem to affect him. We have stopped drinking ourselves to show our children that there is a better life than drinking a precious life away. My daughter, she knows every trick to get us to keep her children but we know what she is trying to do and we do take our grandchildren so that they don’t have to see their mom drunk and their dad fighting, arguing loud with their mom. Its heartbreaking to see our children do this, and my grandchildren to suffer this kind of life. I hate alcohol so much i wish it never existed. I love my children so much what can i do? the slogan “once your an alcoholic, always an alcoholic” I believe this slogan keeps them in bondage, enslaved to thinking that they will be alcoholics for the rest of their lives. I want to believe that when Jesus died we are forgiven when we are saved, from alcoholism. we are saved new hope new lives

8:05 pm June 3rd, 2016

My son is 31! Never held a job! Was kicked out of airforce years ago! Felled drug test! He is a genius! A good honest kid! For the past ten years, this person is not my kid i don’t know where my kid is! We have had him in numerous rehabs! He leaves or gets kicked out! He’s bipolar! Adad! He doesn’t take his medicine right! Nothing ever changes! My heart is broke! I see no end to this! He has never had any friends! I am mad too! What do I do!

12:23 am June 8th, 2016


Lydia @ Addiction Blog
12:59 pm June 10th, 2016

Hi Shelia. There is a lot going on for you. I suggest that you look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help:

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
2:04 pm June 10th, 2016

Hi Jean. You may look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help:

7:13 pm June 20th, 2016

Hi, my two sons aged 19 & 21 are the worst alcoholics problems at home. They steal any valuables at home and sell to get cash, they ads abusive a d dangerous, home is never safe when they are around . I had tried e every trick to stop them with no success. i am now seriously depressed ,

7:10 am June 22nd, 2016

I have a 46 yr old son who is an alcoholic. Alcohol got ahold of him 3 years ago. He has lost his career as an I T project manager, his fiance and home. This all started when he lost custody of his only child to hiis x wife. He moved in our home 6 months ago. The week he moved in he had a seizure and was in hosp for a week drying out. He recently got a management position at a fast food restaurant, but is drinking every time he gets a paycheck. He has wrecked his car, has had a number of omvi’s, and recently the police picked him up passed out in a ditch. We are in our lat 60’s. we have helped him out at every turn with bills, court costs, his child, driving him to his appts and work. I am emotionally exhausted. He doesnt see he needs help and wont go thru recovery. My husband has supported and helped him thru it all. This, of course, is a strain on our personal lives. we have threatened to kick him out if he drinks, but we never do. At least he has times of sobrity here and does try to work. When he was on is own he stayed drunk every day for months and lost everything he had. Are we doing anything right or just enabling him? I dont know how long we can go on like this at our age. Thanks for letting me talk.

6:24 pm July 10th, 2016

My son 22 years old and an alcoholic. I feel that I have enabled his sickness by giving him money.
My inclination is to cut him off financially until he shows some signs of quitting.
Last weekend he and a friend visited me and I allowed him to drink.
To make a long story short I had to go pick the 2 of them up at 4 thirty in the AM
Tim was so drunk he couldn’t walk or talk.
I didn’t lose my temper but suggested they were a poor example for the younger kids who were at the house.
I said “I think it would be a good idea if they left when they sobered up”
They did, without apologizing or saying good-bye.
I Have not reached out to him since the incident and he has not contacted me.
I feel bad on several different levels.
1. I am upset that he got so drunk
2. I am hurt by the fact that he did not apologize or attempt to contact me. (He is living with my other son (his brother) so I can check to make sure he is reasonably ok) and
3. I am concerned that his drinking will lead him into greater trouble.
What should I do?
Continue to withhold financial support? Swallow my pride and contact him?
Your help and advice is greatly appreciated

3:56 pm July 14th, 2016

My daughter is 45 and has been an alcoholc for over 20 years. She does not work. All she does is lay in bed and drink all day long. She has been to rehab-and stopped to buy liquor on her way home. She has been hospitalized in the past for alchohol related seizures. I am 68 years old and commue an hour and a half one way to work. I work full time to pay her bills and mine. She will get sober for a couple of weeks and I try to encourage her and help her so she can get a job. I am paying for a car and insurance because she had a job and no transportation. Within one week of buying her the car, she was back in bed drunk. I am tired and disgusted with her. I want peace back in my life. I am 68 years old and can put nothing away for my retirement. At this point I will never be able to retire. I want her out of my house!!!!! How can I accomplish this? I also have my 94 year old father who has suffered a major stroke to care of. Please somebody has to have some way for me to get her out of my house. Hell at this point I want her out of my life. Oh yeh she has also been diagnosed as bipolar when she was in her 30’s. I think she is just drunk and lazy and afraid she will actually have to take care of herself. She is seeing a psychiatrist and has been to AA nothing helps.

11:07 pm August 20th, 2016

We do not know what to do with our alcoholic son he will not move out he will not stop drinking or get help. It is very difficult for us at the latter end of our lives. He is 44 . What can we do we can’t put him in anywhere. HELP. Jo

2:07 pm August 24th, 2016

Hi Jo. You can see a psychologist or an addiction counselor that works with families of addicts. They always have useful insights and can advise you on what actions you can take.

6:56 pm August 26th, 2016

Hi – I am and have been in the midst of an alcoholic daughter. She has lived in my house 3 different times. She is 37 with a 9 year old grandson. It is just the 3 of us. When not drinking she is pretty good. But when she does there is a huge change and lots of anger. I have taken to leaving the house for a few day, thank goodness for a dear friend, and then coming back and slowly getting adjusted. I am really afraid for my own safety and my grandsons at times. She changes into a totally different person. I don’t know how to handle this since she is smart and “never wrong”. I don’t know who to contact for help and how to go about talking with her to help her help herself. I have tried Alanon – not good for me – just made me feel worse, and tried at therapist who specialized in this, but I a got was listened to and “Now what are you going to do?” I only wish I knew. I am so at a loss here and very depressed and worried.

3:47 am October 6th, 2016

We have a son 26 yrs old that has schysofranea
Hears buzzing sounds but are told he doesn’t hear it anymore. Had a real bad drug addiction and doesn’t use any more. Gets money from government. Moved back home for 5 months now under conditions we set. Main one is we have control of debt card. Started off good but has slowly slipped into drinking more and more. Plays Xbox most of the day. Does small chores around the house about 1/2 hr worth a day. Is not motivated to do much anymore. Believe he can work. Over the 5 months when he has no more beer he will make up stuff to get money for more or take beer from us. Has happen about 15 times over this period. Mostly my wife gives in after setting up some discipline. She is getting better. It’s causing a Strian on our marriage. He doesn’t have any friends other then online friends. We suggested support groups to mingle with and maybe find friends. Volunteer work or get work. We would help in any way with these but has no interest at all.
Tonight he took 6 more beers because he ran out. He doesn’t think he has a drinking problem. He is not allowed to Drink for 2weeks, must pay back for beer he took and is no allowed access to any alcohol in the house. Next move might have to be is move out if he doesn’t get help and start getting motivated with his life. Not sure what else to do. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you

5:04 am October 11th, 2016

My daughter drinks to excess most nights, she has been to detox about 4 times, but relapses. Having a boyfriend who binge drinks on weekends, is not helping. She has a teenage son and works full time, so going to rehab is not really an option. She has been to counselling and attended AA meetings, but eventually stops going. She has 2 older children, one of which lives with me. I’m so frustrated with her and just want her to get some help.

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
4:25 pm October 14th, 2016

Hi Linda. You may look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help:

6:31 am October 26th, 2016

My adult daughter can’t crawl out of the bottle. I just found out she detoxed in the hospital until Saturday. Then she headed off to see friends. Drinking and got a DUI. She got out of jail today. And is I guess in a rehab place she has been before. She can stay for 9 months sober. But she has always left. Her husband is now divorcing her and taking my granddaughters. He can’t do it anymore. What am I supposed to do? What can I say to help her? She has always been a strong wonderful person .

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
7:32 pm November 4th, 2016

Hi Wendy. You may look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help:

3:28 am November 13th, 2016

Hi ,I have a son he is 21 year’s old he is alcoholic from when he was 18 and I am hurt to see him hurting ,he live alone and I am single mom .I have my daughter and she is 10 years,she always see her brother drunk and calling us bad names ,I am so hurting and I don’t know what I should do my son he refuse help and he don’t want any one around him please help :(

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
12:34 pm November 18th, 2016

Hi Mary. You may look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help:

10:06 pm December 9th, 2016

I am at my wits end with my son’s addition. He doesn’t acknowledge his problem and cause problems for me and my husband (who is not his father). He makes messes, throws up and leaves it, cooks and makes messes. he has two seizures in or house been in the ER and hospitalized for a week and detoxed. He came out and started up again. I want him out of my house and I don’t know how to go about it.

4:53 pm January 2nd, 2017

My son is 21 and has an addiction to alcohol, he doesn’t see it as a problem he sees it as he is 21 and all his mets do it also, I say addiction because I have seen it my father had a problem when I was frowning up and he was always violent when he drank, my son becomes abusive with words and say very hurtful things and it’s always directed at me his mother, he has depression also and is on medication for that but again won’t stop drinking even though he knows he should not drink… I can’t keep doing this I had a horrible childhood because of family alcoholism and I can’t wth my son go through this. It destroying me because I want to help me all I get is abuse for it, I am starting to struggle mentally because of ll this. My doctor has me on depressants because I have had chronic pain for over seven years and also in that time I lost my brother and my mum also, I really don’t know what to do. I can not sit back and watch my son slowly kill him self with alcohol it’s doesn’t matter what I try to do to help whether I’d be yell and scream or go to his doctor appointment s with him or even sit me tlalk with him. I just feel myself going back to my childhood of being woken in the middle of the night with yelling and fighting and my father bashing my mother, and mentally I can’t do this. I don’t speak to my father because of this and I don’t want mine and my sons relationship to be thy way
Thank you

11:39 am February 14th, 2017

I just feel like I can’t take this anymore..I have twin boys who are 36.They both live with me because they don’t have a license and they don’t have jobs.It’s a constant fight everyday.NOT only do I have my son’s I also have his girlfriend.NONE if them work my husband passed away 2 years ago and house is in foreclosure..I do not want to live with them when I move..I’m not dealing with this kind of life anymore..I’m done helping..I hear how these paid rent maybe 2 months but they have lived here on and off for five years…They expect me to pay for everything..They dont get food stamps and aren’t worried about no groceries..I’ve given them plenty of love they just want to drink.I have threatened to baker act but I know 2 days is not gonna fix the problem…I am at a loss..
I am not a happy person because I hate my life.I just want to be happy.If they work money goes to liquor or other shit nothing going to a future..They dont understand that eventually there isn’t gonna be a free place..I can’t afford them and their lifestyle anymore .IN other words I am not gonna enable but I can’t kick them to the street so what do I do…This didn’t happen yesterday or a month ago this has went on for years..When they had jobs I took them back and forth I felt like it was my job..And another thing rides were free and many mornings were the most miserable always waiting until last minute to get thete going to work late.And my one son drank on job almost everyday..They never cared to help with car payment or car insurance noe did they pay rent or utilities so if they do get a job they wouldn’t pay rent.They are so disrespectful. .It is really sad..I love my boys but I want my own life.And then when my father passed away in Illinois My cousin begged to come to Florida promised to get a job.HE drinks everyday to..My son’s unemployment is about to run out And there won’t be money for beer..They can’t not drink but I am gonna refuse to buy alcohol..I am not gonna keep enabling them ..Right now I don’t have the money to leave but when I do I have told them for months that they aren’t moving with me..
If you have suggestions I’d like to hear them..Thank you…

5:33 pm February 16th, 2017

My son is aged 46 and single. I have recently discovered that he is a binge drinker (I know that is in effect an alcoholic). He has. just spent 4 days drunk, not having eaten just continually drinking. He will do this until 48hours before starting work again (he is on a weeks today). I know this isn’t enough time to clear his alcohol level but he insists it is. Apparently he does this every time he has holiday we were not aware of this because he lives in his own home. Please can you give me some advice on how I can help him. He is just saying “no I won’t stop yet I want to get bladders. Thank you

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
6:05 pm February 23rd, 2017

Hi Lynda. Call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your individual needs.

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
6:06 pm February 23rd, 2017

Hi Lynda. Call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your son’s individual needs.

1:07 am March 2nd, 2017

I have a 21 year old son who is drinking hard liquor daily I have spoken to him so many times about his drinking he is going to be 22 in a few months I just found a bottle of jack Daniels in his room he is such a good kid i feel like I have lost my son to alcohol he is so smart also has aspergers I am beside myself

2:56 am March 2nd, 2017

My brother is an alcoholic. He is only 21 years old and constantly lies to people around him. His girlfriend refuses to let him see his son who is 3 years old and I am concerned he will get worse.

Sometimes I wish he would be arrested but then feel guilty for hoping he will get worse. My parents are not productive with their method of help, yelling and guilting him which makes the problem worse.

I am receiving psychotherapy for the abuse that our mother put us through when we were kids. She would pick us up drunk from school in our car and physically beat us when she was in a drunk stupor. I am seeing all the same personality changes that our mother had, aggression, oversensitivity to anything anyone says.

He recently developed tremors in his hands and is drinking ungodly amount. He will drink half a bottle of tequila and 3-4 Coronas and still be walking and talking. I am afraid that his alchohol tolerance is so high at this moment that he may have a seizure if he stops.

My Dr has told me that he needs to dry out but it must be supervised. I have changed my approach from ‘stop drinking’ which I understand can be dangerous, to ‘get treatment’.

Hopefully my successes in getting therapy will convince him that it is worthwhile. He tries to play this off as just a phase that all kids go through while experimenting with alcohol, but it has been going on for the last 2 years.

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
2:30 pm March 3rd, 2017

Hi Eliza. Call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your brother’s individual needs.

8:38 pm March 12th, 2017

My son drinks every day. He sometimes is so drunk he has been found sleeping on the kitchen floor. When he is not drinking, the next day he will lie in bed all day. He does not eat properly. He will not discuss this, He works in a pub and drinks straight away when he finishes work; but will then bring home a bottle of vodka. He has self harmed several times. I do not know what to do with him, he is 24 and I think he will die before me.

Mary Sue
7:40 pm March 19th, 2017

The pain of loss is almost unbearable. Our beautiful, creative, loving, intelligent daughter, at age 48, just lost her battle to alcohol. She was highly functional. She worked for 8 years at a corporate office and received “outstanding” reviews for her job performance. She served as a leader for a women’s network. She earned two bachelor degrees within the last 5-6 years. Alcohol had not become a “problem” until after she had a gastric bypass in 1996. I’m sure that avoidance of alcohol was mentioned. She met her husband just after her extreme weight loss, and fell in love (perhaps with the idea that she was lovable/attractive). They married and she wore my wedding dress. Beer and wine flowed, and her husband considered this part of his enjoyment of spectator sports and social events. We didn’t know that with the bypass, the chances of addiction increase exponentially. The “bypass” means that the food…and alcohol…is diverted from its normal route and the toxins and alcohol is not processed, but hits the liver in a much higher concentrated state. The liver can take a lot of abuse, but the high toxicity in this case, cannot be absorbed and eliminated quickly enough. The liver becomes scarred and overwhelmed. If the abuse stops, the liver can regenerate; however, if continued, the liver essentially becomes so scarred it can no longer do its job. Cirrhosis will kill you. After their son was born, the only clue was that she would disappear after an hour or so at cookouts or other social gatherings (she didn’t feel well and needed to lie down). They would only stay at our family gatherings for a short time and leave because “the baby needs to go to bed.” Upon a surprise visit, one would find her on the couch, sleeping, and the baby toddling around needing a diaper change. When our grandson was about 8 years old, her husband gave her an ultimatum: either get sober or leave. She chose to leave. She had met a man at a bar where her husband played darts, and she pursued him. He was 22 years older and married. My husband called him a “lounge lizard.” She longed for attention; he was good at giving it. And, most importantly to my daughter, he accepted her just as is. They never lived together, but were on and off companions until the end. One of her counselors called it a “dysfunctional relationship.” We only saw him a few times, socially. That was fine with us. Since we remained close to our son-in-law and grandson, we were not anxious to accept her new alliance. But, we remained very close, and always loved our daughter unconditionally. The ambulance trips to the hospital started about 5 to 6 years ago. Doctors diagnosed severe liver damage about then, but she would go through withdrawal, and follow doctor’s instructions to the letter, taking prescriptions and vitamins and eating properly, and the numbers would show that she was healthy again. Soon, though, we would get phone calls, having a delightful discussion, when suddenly the conversation would get very dark, then vicious and ugly. We learned to say “ok, dear, I’m going to hang up now and we can talk when you feel better.” That was all we could do. It was painful. Then, the past year, hospital visits were frequent, even though the doctors told her the severity of the damage she was doing. All we could do was nurse her back each time. Then, around the end of November, she must have taken the last sip. She was hospitalized most of December, was home after Christmas, and re-admitted before New Years. We asked the palliative care physician to tell her exactly where she stood. It was terminal. The liver is gone and will not regenerate. You will not live long enough to get a transplant. She cried. We cried. She went into hospice care at her sister’s home, to a lovely sunroom where someone could stay every night in a portable guest bed in the same room. We had her for only a few weeks. She died peacefully with a smile on her face. Our heartache will never end.

5:44 pm March 26th, 2017

I don’t know what to do anymore? Hello I’m Lydia I have a 39yearold son who is a alcoholic. He doesn’t even care anymore about anything not even his own children, I know he adores them but he is to far gone..It really hurts to see your child destroying his life right before you.. H e just lost his job a few days ago ..He is drinking more and more everyday..He says he wants to stop but I don’t see him trying..He is a great son with a good heart but! I don’t see that anymore..I want my son back ..He even tells me mom I’m not going to live long..I don’t know what to do??? I pray for my son everyday cry that he may get better.. My grandchildren are suffering because of this addiction.
It breaks my heart to see my grandchildren going through this. I don’t want to lose my only son from this.

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
6:14 pm March 27th, 2017

Hi George. You may look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/
Moreover, you may consider check out some rehab options for your son. So, I suggest that you download our free e-book The Definitive Guide to Rehab that can help you choose the right rehab for your son: http://addictionblog.org/ebooks/the-definitive-guide-to-rehab/
Finally, call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your son’s individual needs.

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
6:14 pm March 29th, 2017

Hi Mary Sue. I’m really sorry for your loss… I hope others will find your message an inspiration to seek help for alcohol addiction.

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
5:45 pm March 30th, 2017

Hi Lydia. First, I suggest that you look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/
Then, call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your son’s individual needs.

september mark
5:29 am April 2nd, 2017

hi. im an alcoholic, sober 12 in a half years, as well as i married a drug addict/alcoholic. we also have one child together, and also now divorced. however i learned the hard way what to do in this type of situation of living with an alcholic/drug addict even though i was sober finally myself. What i learned from getting help about it for myself and my child, was not to enable the disease. Its called tough love.People change when the pain to remain the same is greater than the pain to change. Also don’t give them their cake and let them eat it too. Take away all their priviledges in life until they get sober. Set healthy boundries. Don’t enable them anymore in their disease. Say i can’t help you until you help yourself. You can’t phone me or come see me at all. You can’t stay at my house, i won’t give you money. Even call the police on them if you can and report it, or child welfare. If they have children go to court and take them away and don’t allow them to see the children, or talk to them, until they enter a treatment center. The minute that they do, they get their priviledges back. And not only that, you fought for their children to get a healthy parent, not a sick one in their disease. Breaking the cycle of drug addiction too from being passed on from generation to generation. and helping the children feeling loved, not raised by alcoholism or drug addiction around them, Especially by a parent. it is the most damaging to them, and their upbringing. it teaches them to have good self esteem, that they deserve better than that in their own lives. What they are raised around they will think its ok and normal. So break the cycle, and fight for their right to have a healthy parent, not a sick one in their disease. i did for mine, and im proud of it. im teaching him not to accept less than what he deserves, ever. he does not deserve a life like that from a mom or dad. or it could be passed onto my grandchildren too. And NEVER enable the disease. it is not loving, and it is selfish. people will not change without consequences, and by not setting them up, its just helping your loved one to die, and fast. just like children have consequences in order to learn, adults are no different. And always put the children first in life, and their welbeing and safety. While someone is in their disease, they literally cannot. but as you do all these things, make SURE the person in their disease knows you are doing this because you love them, and you don’t want them to die, and that is your whole motive in doing all of this.

9:40 pm April 2nd, 2017

my son is an alcoholic. He is a heavy drinker. after he drinks, He acts like very dangerous. I was suffering from him from 2008. what should do. I really need help. no one helping to handle him.
Thank you

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
1:35 pm April 4th, 2017

Hi Theanmoliyal. I suggest that you look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/
Also, call a toll-free Alcohol Helpline on 1-888-675-1820 to find a high-quality alcohol addiction treatment program for your son. This helpline is accessible 24/7 and gives you the chance to speak with trusted treatment consultants who can help you find an alcohol recovery program suited to your son’s individual needs.

8:04 pm April 13th, 2017

My son is a functioning alcoholic who is financially independent and has kept his job for over 10 years. He is a dangerous binge drinker who has gotten a DUI, driving 100 mph, gone into seizures for alcohol abuse, and been in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. He ruined relationships with friends, being out of control and offensive when drunk with them. Most recently, he cheated on his wife while being blackout drunk. His alcoholic behavior has gone on for over 10 years. I truly believe that he needs professional treatment. He says that he can stop drinking and only has a problem if he takes that first drink. I don’t believe him. Instead of supporting my belief for what is best for my son, my husband keeps giving him another chance to prove he can stop. My husband is concerned about “how it would like” if he didn’t go to work for a month because he was in treatment, so he is, in fact, agreeing with our son that he can get sober on his own, even though he keeps proving over and over again that he can’t. He doesn’t want me discussing our son’s behavior with anyone (i.e. my closest friends) because our son will get angry with me for “embarrassing” him. My intuition keeps telling me that my husband is enabling him to continue drinking. My son’s wife is giving him a second chance, but I fear that the next time he drinks, she will leave him, which will lead to more excessive, life-threatening drinking. I love my son, who has many outstanding traits, but he often gets angry at me when I get upset by his behavior, which is unfair to me. What are your thoughts?

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About Brad Girtz

Brad Girtz is a blogger working at Life Works Community, a residential treatment centre. He writes content about mental health, addiction and many other conditions treated at Life Works. Brad enjoys sharing news and information about the latest innovations and ideas in the field of addiction and mental health.

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