Recovering from relapse: The 7 R’s
By Beth Burgess
The “7 R’s” of Recovering from Relapse
When you’re trying to recover from alcoholism or drug addiction, relapsing is often part of the process. The reasons why relapse occurs can vary. While relapse may not be desirable, it is understandable. After all, many addicts have spent years devoted to their addiction, and not so long learning how to recover.
Using drink or drugs again does not have to be the end of the world, if you know how to how to get back on track quickly. You can use your experience of relapse as a springboard to an even more successful recovery, by using the 7 “R’s.” Read on for more here. Then, we invite your questions about relapse or practical relapse prevention strategies at the end.
If you’ve relapsed, you may be tempted to curse at yourself, call yourself names, or tell yourself stories, like “I can’t do this after all.” These are things that will get you headed straight back on the path to addiction.
Guilt, shame, and beating yourself up will only wear down your resilience — no-one can cope with such bullying for very long. Above all, it’s time to regroup, not to attack yourself. A mistake does not mean you are destined to fail for the rest of your life. It’s just a sign that more needs to be learnt, and done, to make your recovery stronger.
Speak to yourself kindly and supportively, as you might do to a friend who had just relapsed or undergone some difficulty. Tell yourself “I am strong enough to come through this” or “I have got clean and sober before, and I can do it again.” Have faith that things will come good again, if you do the right things.
2. Reach Out
As much as you may feel embarrassed and ashamed about relapsing, now is not the time to hide away feeling sorry for yourself — or getting deeper into your addiction.
People who relapse can remain stuck in their addiction for some time, because they feel too guilty to admit the truth and ask for more help. But reaching out to others is vital at this stage, because becoming isolated or dwelling in shame will only make another relapse more likely.
It is important to reach out to the right people to get back on track with your recovery. Gather sober, understanding people around you, go to a fellowship group for more support, or visit a professional who specialises in addiction recovery.
3. Recommit to Recovery
Make yourself a sincere promise that you will go to any lengths to get your recovery back on track, so that you can use your relapse as a source of strength rather than a black mark on your sobriety.
Make a list of all the great things you enjoyed about your life clean and sober, whether that was having a clearer head, gaining back your self-respect, or making others proud of you. Make a list of all the things you truly hate about drinking and drugging, from the cash you have to spend on it, to the fact that a substance is effectively taking charge of your life.
Decide right now that whatever work is involved to recover from your relapse and gain back your freedom is absolutely worth it.
4. Realise Where You Went Wrong
The wonderful thing about making mistakes is that you can learn from them. Human beings are learning machines, and failure is often our greatest teacher. If you know what caused you to relapse on drink or drugs, you’ll know what needs addressing to make your recovery stronger.
There will always be a reason that your addiction reared its head again. Make a flow chart of how your relapse happened, identifying all the events leading up to it. Look at how your emotions and behaviours may have led to picking up a drink or drugs again.
You may notice that an outside event caused you stress and difficulty, precipitating a relapse, but actually it was never the event itself that caused you to return to your addiction; it would have been your reaction to an event. A relationship breakdown, job loss or bereavement does not force a drink or drug into your hand. Negative thinking and unhelpful coping strategies for dealing with stress are the real things that cause relapse.
5. Redouble Your Efforts
Failing to plan is like planning to fail. Make a realistic and healthy plan for how you would cope with whatever triggered your relapse, if something similar happened again. Should you have a relapse prevention plan? Absolutely. It is really important that you give this some serious thought.
Don’t make a plan which relies too much on other people to save you — you must learn to rely on your own internal resources, too, so that you are equipped to deal with any, and all, triggers in life. The only thing that is permanent in your life is you, so you need to be able to deal with problems alone.
That is not to say that you shouldn’t seek support from others. In fact, that’s a great thing to do. But if you’re away from your support group, or it’s 4am, and the drink or drugs are calling, you need to be in a position to fend off a relapse as well.
6. Reach for More Resources
If you don’t think that you do have to ability to go it alone when faced with problems that may challenge your sobriety, then it’s time to pick up more tools to help you cope with life.
Learn some more about how to develop healthy thinking and resilience. Read some new books, grab some more tools, and begin to grow again. Try some things you never considered before that might be a good fit to make your recovery stronger.
Some people in recovery swear by yoga, mindfulness, or other meditation. Some use creativity to express their pain better, by writing, drawing or painting. Others turn to therapeutic tools to learn how to live happily and healthily.
7. Redirect your Recovery
Some people are baffled about why they relapsed, thinking that they were doing everything right. If it seems to you that your relapse came out of the blue, then maybe it’s time to redirect your recovery, and your life.
If healthy thinking and a positive attitude could not protect you from relapsing, then you may have reached an “impasse” in recovery, meaning that it’s time to take it to the next level. You need to start doing things that really fulfil you, and that match up with your greater values.
Understanding the purpose of your life, and how you fit into the world can help prevent another relapse. Seeking out spiritual tools can do wonders for your individual development. When your life has a greater meaning, and you understand how the world works with you in it, your recovery can reach new strengths.
About the Author: Beth Burgess is a solution-focused therapist and coach specialising in addiction recovery. She is the author of two books on addiction: “The Recovery Formula: An Addict’s Guide to getting Clean and Sober Forever” and “The Happy Addict: How to be Happy in Recovery from Alcoholism or Drug Addiction.” Beth specialises in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, Mindfulness, Recovery Coaching, and NLP — and works with clients privately in London, and internationally via Skype.
Photo credit: cocoparisienne